Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 July 2010 21:47:35
I'm still just numb. Totally numb.
Mind you, maybe browsing through the photograph albums wasn't such a good idea. Although maybe it was. Maybe I needed to remind myself about the good times, and the good memories.
It's the saddest bit, for me, that there will be no more opportunities for those good times together. No easy company. No fun. Just a crowded visits room and nothing to talk about, the clock just ticking away those precious minutes until we're sent our separate ways with a sense of time and opportunity wasted.. and that's when he can bring himself to send a visiting order. Mostly he fears those goodbyes so much that he avoids them... and I don't even know whether I really feel regret or relief. But when he turns eighteen, the three-monthly reviews will be replaced by annual ones and I will have no automatic right to attend... or even be informed about them.
Still, it will get easier. My colleagues are amazing and my new church friends are too. Not to mention my wonderful friends here and elsewhere. I feel loved and supported and bolstered up and I know that these feelings of numbness will be replaced soon enough by a sense of normality.... albeit a very abnormal one.... and I will be able to return to getting on with and enjoying life. There are many new adventures just around the corner. A time to mourn and a time to live.