Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 January 1970 00:59:59
Yesterday my cat died.
Not something that non-pet-lovers can really understand, I think.
The tentative sitting on the computer chair in case he's underneath it (yes, Alex was the one I fell over the other day)
The glancing at Charlie to see which cat he is, only to realise I won't have to do that any more.
Crying with the children, but controlling the tears for fear of upsetting them still more and needing to comfort them.
Crying with my father, but controlling the tears because he can't handle having to comfort me.
Feeling the lack of the one who would just let me hold him and cry as much as I needed to, without comment or criticism, because that was my cat Alex. The other one is far too independent for that.
Knowing that in the grand scheme of things, this loss is so small, and was inevitable, but feeling the sadness welling up all the same, tied in with the frustration of not knowing he was so ill.
Tonight a wonderful friend will come round and do what I cannot do - he will dig the hole in the water-logged clay of my garden, letting the children help him, while I hide away and let them get on with it. Without the children I would do it, but for once I intend to let myself be weak and lean on another.
Thank you God for the loan of my snugglepuss, my gentle-man cat, my Alex. And thank you too for friends. Where would we be without them?