Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 January 1970 00:59:59
Not much, as most of what's been happening is confidential. This is really just for the record. Just for me.
I hate this feeling - jumping at every sound and movement, feeling very alone and vulnerable yet having to be very strong. I had an unwanted visitor last night. Should not, in theory, happen again tonight, but I have been warned to be on my guard and keep my phone by me just in case.
This situation - not of my making - feels untenable, and yet what can I do? Short of moving and losing myself on the mainland somewhere, which suddenly has fresh appeal. But why should I? I love living here. Why should I be chased away? I know there are lovely places on the mainland, I'd be nearer my family, I could travel around more easily, but I want to live near the sea, I want to have that sense of excitement travelling by ferry, I want to stay here. This should never have happened.
Am I being paranoid? It's hard to say as they're such dark shadows, so hard to define. Things may be fine, things probably will be fine, but then that's what we said before. The professional support is great, though their hands are tied. It's lonely, though. Especially as, when I moved jobs, a circle of friends seemed to close behind me and I am only just getting into the new one - not enough to call on anyone in a moment of need. Talking to a friend on the phone after it had happened, he asked if there was a friend I could call round for a hug, and it sank in that there wasn't - my closest friends being away on holiday together for two weeks, and nobody else within calling distance.
I so want to support Dad. He was brilliant last night, and so shaken today. And yet his words aren't what I need to hear or deal with at the moment. Still, the latest news is slightly reassuring - at least for tonight.
And we have a visitor coming on Monday which will take my mind off things a bit more.
To say nothing of the mountain of Green and Blacks chocolate sitting beside my computer after the wightmeet! :D Suddenly things are looking up!