Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 June 2003 22:46:57
This is to be it, just one evening of wallowing in self pity and then I am to pull myself together and get back to enjoying life just as it is, just as I used to.
An MSN conversation at least put things into perspective. I knew anyway, but it makes things clearer. And in my heart of hearts I know it's not the specific loss, it's the general concept. So stop dreaming and get real.
And to change would be to pretend to be something I'm not. No, I'm not going down that road. I am who I am, like it or lump it, and if that means going it alone then so be it. I'm quite happy with who and how I am (apart from a few things I wish I could change, but who's perfect?). I'd change things for the man of my dreams, but not in order to get one.
Typical it coincides with my visitors leaving, so the loneliness is complete. Having people around for the week, especially a bit of male company, somehow rubs it in. But perhaps that's good. Alone I can mope and whinge to my heart's content (Lord, please don't let the children wake). Perhaps that's what I need to do tonight, get it out of my system. Have a good old cry and then get back to the fact that I have a good life, and loads of people I love and who love me. The grass may always look greener on the other side of the street, but I don't have it bad, and there's lots to be said for it too.
But tonight I'll just pull the duvet over my head and wallow.