Categories: uncategorized
Date: 02 March 2004 00:25:19
Apologies for yet another moaning wiblog. There's so much good in life and so many laughs along the way. But just sometimes you have to get something off your chest and this is yet another of those moments.
At least I know now that it would be foolishness to have dad to live with us. I don't know what on earth the alternative is, but it would be a nightmare to have him here all the time. I am recording this here in a sort of code to myself so I can look back at it at a later date, whenever I start thinking about building a room for him again, and remember precisely what he said.
I know I will have to sacrifice one for the sake of the other, either my dad or my son, and this young life with so much hurt behind him and so much to look forward to has to be my priority. But I love my dad so much, and the thought that our final years together might be laden with resentment and hurt on either side is a painful one, especially as it will have to be by my choosing it.
And when I finally lose him, I long to feel only sorrow, not guilt or relief. I feel so helpless knowing that this is probably something I can do nothing about - an inevitability that is likely to dog my days for years to come.
I am being torn in half between two of the three men I love most in my life, and I can't stand it.