Categories: uncategorized
Date: 05 March 2004 14:48:00
I knew I shouldn't have said it. I just knew. I opened my mouth and the words came tumbling out before I could stop them, "Yes, of course we can go swimming after school tonight" What on earth was I thinking of? So now I sit here with a sense of foreboding. legs fuzz-free, bag packed, thinking that even MacDonalds would have been an easier option.
The chicken and chips for lunch was a bit of an impulse too, but a rather lovely one. In fact, delicious right to te very last mouthful (as a very indignant Charlie will testify). It was with great confidence that I ate my chicken, knowing that chicken bones are much easier to spot than fish bones so I was less likely to choke (having had several close encounters with fish bones before now). Hmmm..... I didn't know chips had bones! The very last chip had it in for me. I survived though, somehow.
The other impulse of the day is a rather nice one. My friend and I decided, on impulse, at 11pm last night that we both needed a bit of pampering. So this morning I rang up a hotel in Sandown and booked us in for a day of being looked after. I can't wait for Monday - shove the boys off to school, pick her up from the ferry, and go and be pampered all day in utter luxury. Now that's the way to de-stress.
A session with the counsellor has summed up my current situation quite precisely. I had described it as juggling plates on sticks, but she modified that - she sees it as if I am standing at the top of a wobbly pole rather than the plates being there, and that I am balancing plates on my fingers, one foot, my nose. There's nowhere to go, no place to step off this wobbly pole, nothing I can really change - and she was kind enough to say she knows I have the strength to do it, to stay there and keep those plates spinning as long as I had the support to help me. The key thing now is to find blocks of support to surround the pole and stop it wobbling. It's a lovely analogy. She asked me about God, and I told her God is like the safety wire fastened to my back. It's loose, so I can't actually feel it all the time, but it's there. I feel that if I were brave enough or if I really had to, I could step off the pole and be held by the wire, but it's scary having that degree of trust. I doodled it into my doodle, and it felt good to do that. So, if I go missing, just look at the top of that pole !
My big concern right at this moment, however, still being confined to the school laptop ....... has the world been invaded by chickens in my absense? Maddie, have you saved the world? The fate of the universe is currently in your hands.