Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 March 2004 19:05:40
Today's been an industrious day. Not that you could tell, really, seeing as I've spent most of it sitting around, but industrious it's been.
OK Social Services, what are you going to do about this? Here I am caring for two boys and an elderly father, dealing with their issues, and trying to hold down a full time stressful job and run two households. I'll not let them down, but how can you support me? Will you help financially when we make our trips to the mainland for contact? Will you assess whether you can help pick up the shortfall in income if I go part time in any way? Will you advise me on what's available in the way of support? A morning on the phone with very helpful and supportive social workers - my own and one on the mainland - and I feel heard.
Next on the agenda is taking advantage of a provision in the village - our community advice centre. We're so lucky to have this. In fact, this village is a wonderful place to live because the parish council takes their role so seriously. Today the advice point is careers advice for adults, so along I went for a chat with the advisor. It was good to be able to tell someone of my career concerns. I want to go part time, I need to go part time, I can't afford to go part time. He didn't have many suggestions to make, of course, but it was good to share the thinking with someone else. He's suggested a few things which are worth investigating, although his best suggestion was accountancy and if he could see my way with finances he'd know what sort of a suggestion that is.
The next step was a difficult one - emotional for me and needing careful handling. I needed to talk Dad through the application for Attendance Allowance and force him to focus on how weak and fragile he is rather than the positives of what he can still do. It was horrible. I decided on a good course of action, taking him to a nice restaurant and talking him through it while we waited for our meal (which was utterly delicious). The man comes tomorrow to help him fill in the form. At first Dad was reluctant, but I had to push the issue, emphasising that he deserved this money that he'd paid for with his taxes and that it would enable me to take an afternoon off work to help him. I used the approach of thinking ahead and making choices about the future before they become crisis decisions. I also hinted at the stress I am under and he agreed, telling me it's not pleasant being cared for by someone who's stressed out all the time. Thanks Dad, for your support! But actually, I know what he means. It may have depressed him, but if he stays depressed tomorrow at least the advocacy chap will see him at his weakest. I was shocked when he admitted to me that he is finding it hard to motivate himself to eat properly in the evening, especially as he's diabetic.
Another phone call next, this time to my minister. I've heard a rumour of a job coming up within the church which sounds just up my street. It could be a total break from teaching and I could possibly be a bit flexible with the hours, as long as I could bring myself to lose the lifeline of my high income. It seems terrible being so dependent on money but with the boys it's hard to let it go. Tiddles loses so many things that need replacing. They both need to be involved in activities and have experiences such as holidays and sport and music etc. And I need my holidays and mainland visits too. A night out at the cinema costs £20 by the time I've paid a babysitter. So I need to see what I can cut back on and what precisely I want to do. This job is certainly worth investigating.
One reduction in spending - Tiddles has decided that he is going to have to give up climbing. It's the night after Scouts and he just cannot take the pace - he wants to come home and go to bed, despite loving the climbing. It's just so unfair on him. Bless him. He's had a hard enough start in life without having his life totally regulated by his excessive need for sleep. And his need for a bedroom of his own is yet another reason why this drop in income is such a nightmare.
Strange, although I know that I haven't actually moved forward at all and the way ahead is foggy, I feel as though I have made progress today and that I will find a way through. Maybe this is the time for a step of faith. Step off that wobbly pole and trust God to hold the safety rope. Maybe.