Date: 10 March 2009 21:47:43
I'm not really a believer in those 'open up the bible at the right page and it will answer your question' theories. Quite honestly, I think if I'm going to get an answer to my question, its going to come when I don't expect it, not on cue because thats when I want it.
But. This lent I've restarted the words for today daily readings, partly in an attempt to pull myself out of a kind of spiritual wilderness of only ever really thinking about faith as part of writing sermons. Anyway, I also decided I wanted to read Marks Gospel, cos I never have and people say its a good one to read, and its one of the modules on the LP course, to name a few reasons.
The chapter I got to today had the story of the storm at sea. The disciples are caught in the most terrible storm, the boat is rocking and they're all about to be tossed overboard. And Jesus is asleep. Nevermind how is he sleeping through that in the first place (doesn't anyone else ever think that?), the disciples are yelling at him to wake up and sort things out.
Jesus, for goodness sake, what are you doing just sitting by and letting this happen? Can't you see things are really difficult here? We're going to drown in a minute if you don't do something! And he stands up, and stills the storm. And asks them 'Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?'
Well that told me. I'm not sure I always believe it, like the disciples I frequently doubt and think I've been forgotten, that he ought to have done something by now. But maybe I need to hear those words more often.
This week I have a job interview. The right job, in the right place, at what is pretty much the perfect time. Very soon things in my current job start to get crazy again, I lose my free time, and probably my mind. People expect me to start committing to other things here, which are made harder by the hours I work. This is it, and the prospect of not getting it is scary. And I'm tempted to yell at God 'why haven't you sorted it out yet?' Today I think I needed to hear those words.