Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 February 2005 00:44:52
Ok, so I think I worked it out. I'm definately not in a happy-go-lucky, isn't the world fabulous mood. Although, I probably kinda knew that before, it just took a few tears and a dose of Ally McBeal to figure it out. It won't be a surprise that I'm still not sure why though.
The closest I can get is the uncertainty about next year (or rather, the end of this year, but if I say next year it sounds further away). Basically, from June I have to move out of this flat (though I won't be missing the shower!!!) and find somewhere else to live in Swansea till October, when my course finishes. After this I have no idea. None. Where I will live, even in which part of the country. What I will be doing, if I will have a job and therefore a means to pay rent. Fortunately, I have supportive parents, who will be behind me no matter what, and will never see me struggle. They will help as much as I need, but I do so much want to be able to do it myself.
At the moment I basically have two options as of October (assuming I find somewhere to stay till then...), I can stay in Swansea or I can go home (not that this isn't home, but you know what I mean). If I can find a job which I can live on, and somewhere to live, I will stay here. Ideally the job would be related to what I want to do long term and therefore would be good experience, but who knows... If not, I will leave Swansea and move back to Manc. Not that this would be a bad thing. It's just the not knowing. And there's not much I can do about it. I can't predict the future (though sometimes I wish I could, even just t know that everything will be ok), and so I must live with the present, and see what happens. Hmm. Easier said than done.
These things don't bother me constantly, I'm not always down in the dumps, but just occaisionally, something tips me over the edge, and it all goes pear shaped. Wish I knew what it was.
And, when I have to be up in the morning I really should be in bed by now. Night x