Categories: uncategorized
Date: 09 February 2006 10:53:55
I know giving in to doubt and letting yourself wallow in self-pity isn't the most constructive way to get things done, but there are times when it seems like everything is acting against you and you're never going to get where you want to go. Like swimming against the tide when every force is holding you back and its a constant struggle to keep onwards, making very small movements despite your best efforts. Now I know how Salmon feel swimming upstream.
And what has prompted this surge of despair? Well, at the moment as I've said I'm working part-time, trying to manage on a very little per week in order to give myself time to get the necessary 'experience' I need to get the kind of job I'm looking for.
However...
I'm having to work extra shifts at work at the moment, as we're a member of staff down (the manager no less- grr!) which is good for the bank balance, but not good for the job prospects. So I'm getting frustrated at the fact that I'm currently no closer to getting where I want to be, and this frustration results in me being annoyed at myself for not having sorted everything out ages ago- I'm probably my own worst enemy at times. At the same time, I'm trying to learn to drive, something I didn't do before as I decided I wouldn't use it, and didn't exactly enjoy the few lessons I had. This is a decision I've been regretting more and more over the last few months, since I know that for most jobs in my field I will need to be able to drive. Regret is also a Bad Thing for me, cos I then get more annoyed with myself for making the wrong decisions etc etc.
And then, to make things worse, I then I hear about jobs which I would be qualified for (not asking too much experience, and/or asking for the sort I have already through my masters), and which I could do well, and enjoy. Why is this a bad thing, you ask? Well, surprise surprise, I also need to be able to drive. Now. And I can't. Cue all the regret/frustration etc which I throw at myself over again for not having sorted it sooner, and annoyance that I can't do it yet/can't practice outside of lessons/can't have more frequent lessons cos I'm working. And the jobs go by which I know I could probably do. If anyone knows how I could have a driving licence by the beginning of March let me know.