Categories: ramblings
Date: 27 May 2010 11:17:21
For my sins, which are doubtless legion, the electricity at Rosamundi Towers is supplied by EDF.
I had a new electricity meter fitted a while ago (oh, the dizzying excitement that is my life, I can’t begin to tell you)... Anyway, it would appear that Something went Dreadfully Wrong, because I received a letter in yesterday’s post, from EDF.
“URGENT!” the envelope screamed. “This is not a circular; you must not ignore this letter!”
“Meep!” So I ripped it open without even pausing to pour myself a glass of wine.
So (paraphrased slightly), the letter runs:
“Our records show that the night rate of your meter has not advanced for some time. You must call us, immediately if not sooner, on this number (which is only open 9-5, Monday to Friday), so we can send someone round to hit it with a stick.*
“If you do not make this urgent phone call, immediately if not sooner, which you can't do when you get this letter because the ultra-urgent, you must phone us immediately if not sooner, phone line is only open office hours and you won't get this letter until after it's closed for the day, we'll come round and break into your house in order to hit your meter with a stick. We can, you know, under the Electricity Act 1989 and the Rights of Entry (Gas and Electricity Boards Act 1956).”
And just to add insult to injury, at the bottom in smaller print it said:
“Calls may be monitored and recorded as part of our customer care programme. Calls to ‘0800’ numbers are free from BT landlines. Other network operators’ may charge for these calls.”
Other network operators’ what, exactly?
And, if we’re being really pedantic, (what, me? The very idea), it's the Rights of Entry (Gas and Electricity Boards) Act 1956. Not the Rights of Entry (Gas and Electricity Boards Act 1956).
So I hurried my way into work, clutching this missive, and phoned them. There was a lovely chirpy voicemail greeting which said “the office is closed, please call back at 9:00am, or leave your name, phone number and electricity account number and an agent will call you back.” It was 9:30 when I called. I dutifully left my name, number and electricity account number, only to be advised from someone who knows these things that they won’t actually ever call me back, and I need to keep phoning them.
I tried again. “The office is closed, please call back at 9:00am, or leave your name, number and electricity account and an agent will call you back.”
I tried again. “The office is closed, please call back at 9:00am, or leave your name, number and electricity account and an agent will call you back.”
I appreciate that having a dodgy electricity meter is probably not a good thing. I further appreciate that some people, who are naughty, do funny things to their meter in order to avoid paying full price for their electricity, but:
1) This particular fault indicates that I’ve been over-paying, not under paying.
2) Surely your emergency number should be staffed for a bit longer than standard business hours.
3) This letter is dated the 20th. I received it on the 26th. Speed is clearly not of the essence, here.
3)4) If it’s that important, why haven’t I had a call back to make an appointment for the hitting of my meter with a stick? I called you four hours ago. Alternatively, why don’t you have people to actually answer your phones?
4)5) Writing a letter in which the words “urgent,” “important,” “now,” “immediately” and “Magistrates Warrant” are scattered like May blossom after a downpour seems a touch overblown for a first attempt at contact.
5)6) I’m sure that should be “Magistrate’s Warrant,” or possibly “Magistrates’ Warrant,” depending on the number of magistrates required to issue the thing.
I have, finally, got through to speak to someone, who, to be fair, was terribly polite, and explained that there was a problem with my electricity meter (yes, I’d gathered that), and they needed to send an engineer round to fix it (yes, I’d gathered that too), and would I like a morning appointment or an afternoon appointment? I’d actually like an evening appointment, given the choice, but then I’d also like the moon on a stick and a million pounds, but we can’t have everything in this vale of tears, and there we are.
The date of this frightfully urgent appointment, which I must have in order to prevent a man with a sledgehammer coming round and making free with the door of Rosamundi Towers?
Monday 14th June, between the hours of 8am and 1pm.
*Or whatever one does to faulty electricity meters. Perhaps not hit them with sticks. That might be unwise, on reflection.
[mess up the numbering in my list? Who, me?]