a dream...

Date: 27 September 2009 10:00:44

I was at a conference in Australia, not sure if I was presenting or just attending the conference. I had my car (or was it a rental?) and was driving north to the airport. Had a few coworkers in the car with me... but couldn't read the map, so I pulled over. At that point I was alone in my car; my boss appeared - she knew where to go, "follow Barb" she says. Flashback to the conference room, lots of Aussie attendees have their laptops out, taking notes... we split up into small groups to discuss whatever it is we're discussing at the moment, and there was a redheaded Aussie who didn't particularly care for my contribution to the group. Flashforward to the drive to the airport: kept thinking my wib-friends would be disappointed if I didn't stop to say hello -- because I was so close -- but didn't have internet access. I wanted to call their names out, but didn't think that was sophisticated enough to work effectively. Kept looking at the map, trying to find highway 55 north to get me to the airport (it was like one of those cartoon maps, with, like, 7 marked roads, and big ovals for "airport" and "conference" ...no legend to tell us how many inches = # miles, so all very relative. Then there was an airport scene. Did I rent my car while on the continent? Or did mine magically appear at the conference, and if so...how was I gonna get home when arriving back in the United States if my car had to stay in Australia? Then there was the whole baggage claim fiasco. I must have forgotten to check my bags, but lo & behold they were there - just took me an extended time to get to the baggage carousel. Do I go get my car first? (apparently by this time I was back in the USA -- Did my car come back with me? or was it always here, waiting for me to arrive? ) How much baggage did I bring with me - and why is that man following me? Ah, found one bag - yup, it's mine. Nancy can you watch my stuff while I get my other bags? Where's the baggage trolly when you need one...? Why can't I find the right spot in the airport...? Why is this so stressful? When will I learn that going to conferences is stressful? Why is that person still following me? Will I ever get home?

And then I woke up. Not necessarily disturbing, but since my friends from Oz in this community were in it, thought I should share... maybe that means I need to come visit, right SingingSemele? I remember not wanting to disappoint you, Ian - because in my dream you said if you were so close you'd make an effort so I should too - I tried!!! and Lisa I wondered if I'd be close enough to see your new gorgeous home? And Deeleea, I didn't know if you'd be working on projects or sitting on babies - wondered how I should get in touch with you?? And then I wondered if the friends in the UK would be bummed if I went to Oz first? All in all, my brain was very active while *hopefully* my body was resting. But perhaps it was restless. Thus the active dreaming. Lots of real life things in this dream... wonder what my subconscious is trying to work through?

I've been lurking a little bit on the wib...but there's lots of catching up to do.

An update: decided to go with a PC -- a Toshiba Satellite to be precise. So far we're getting along famously, especially since I found the mouse touchpad on/off button. Now I like it a lot more, and typing isnt' so frustrating.

Had a mini-meltdown last week at work due to administration...feeling like my hands were being tied behind my back -figuratively- and they say "ok now, rain - juggle! 3 balls! 4 balls! juggle more, juggle more!!! 7 balls, 8, 9. Now! Keep 17 balls in the air!" without my hands. I cried while driving up to work last Thursday... I never cry like that - couldn't stop. Was in the parking lot for a while, then told myself to get over it, put sunglasses on, got out of the car, went straight into the bathroom to wash my face and get the redness out of my eyes... as soon as I gathered myself together and stepped out, it started again. Did a little bathroom-wash-face-gather-self-together-dance a few times...finally was able to go into my office. But it was not the best day on the job. I fulfilled the requirements - I showed up. But it was a difficult day. Had a chance to speak with my boss the next day, and by then my emotions were spent...so it was a productive emotion-less conversation, which is probably best for everyone involved.

The kitchen is finally complete! I've been planning to do a photo montage of before/after pictures. Must get on that soon. It's much more functional (even though there's less room to move around in there -- more furniture and storage now) and looks updated and current. Hopefully that'll help the house sell.

And I'm still thinking about moving 1/2 way across the country to come back to my roots. I've got until January to see how the housing market is faring... I've sunk a lot of $ into this home, and I'd like to get the money out I've put in to add updates (e.g., roof, tuckpointing, new furnace, new wood floors installed, refinished main floors, new kitchen & appliances)...and possibly make a profit too. So it may not quite be time to sell... we'll see.

I've been busy with food, too. Hired a holistic health counselor last month - we've got a 7-month contract, and so far it's going very well. There's a method to her madness, and steps, and stuff... So far I'm learning a lot. Like how to cook and incorporate more greens into my diet (which help reduce sugar cravings - which is true! because I've experienced it). And a variety of different grains. What do to with them, and how to use them throughout the week. For some reason, at least here in the States - it seems like cooking whole foods kindof skipped a generation: mine. So far, my work with her has been very beneficial. As we continue, as we figure out what my body really wants, my body will become more satisfied...and the hope is that I'll begin to shed weight naturally. It seems like I'm eating a lot now, but it's good stuff (more swiss chard anyone??!) And I'm starting to have a better understanding of why people from other countries are so fascinated/disgusted by our food here... After WWII, we started to produce more processed and packaged foods, as women left home to go into the workplace. And the regulatory systems in place to make sure our food was good for us lost sight of the overall goal (healthy people). And the Food & Drug Administration lost sight, too... as many, many drugs are introduced to treat the side-effects of not eating nutritious food... like a very viscous circle -- which many people have gotten trapped in. I bet most of your grocery/food stores in your countries would be considered "health food stores" here. And our regular grocery/food stores are just filled with crap. Everything has hydrogenated corn syrup or soy or some sort of filler is added so the big company can make $. I saw a documentary a few months ago, which confirmed a lot of what I've been recently thinking/reading/understanding. No wonder Europeans think our milk chocolate tastes horrible - it does! Because it's so grossly laiden with sugar and high fructose corn syrup... but I only experienced this after I'd been eating lots more greens and grains and hardly any sugar... been using agave nectar & raw honey to sweeten my tea (neither of which spike one's glycemic index). And I believe the raw honey has had a positive impact on my allergies - because now I can eat an apple and not experience the uncomfortable tingling sensation & possible hives and irritation usually associated with it (b/c of what they call an 'oral allergy syndrome' or 'pollen food allergy').

So I'm gonna be around more... and I think it'll be a good idea to use this community as a place to share, too, about my food experiences (see above). Because it's really hard to be vulnerable and share with the people at work/friends because they want me to teach them - and I need to focus on learning and on myself -- and not be barraged with questions and why's and stuff. (although you're welcome to question and ask me why - it's not as intense when my dear readers as questions ***but please don't say "i told you so" or "i can't believe you didn't know that" or "no wonder most americans are overweight" as that will cause a great deal of pain...and probably make me cry***). This was a fairly lengthy entry. Perhaps I should come back more often so there's not so much to post at once :)

off to get some breakfast - am doing a "breakfast experiment" [7 days of different foods...how do i feel immeately after? 2 hours after? and i already substituted the "fresh fruit" day with something else, because I know I'll be hungry on fresh fruit alone -- hardly before i'm finished eating!!]

take care, be well, and consider yourself hugged.