Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 June 2009 06:59:39
The clock says 2:12 in the morning here...however, I wish I were not so keenly aware of the time - i.e. resting peacefully in dreamland- as the caffeinated iced tea consumed to quench my thirst late this afternoon has captured my circadian rhythm once again...when will i ever learn?! Thus my theory that this-little-patch-of-rain-is-very-sensitive-to-stimulants is proven once again - perhaps I'll write a paper on it while working on my PhD.
On this trip to the east coast to visit Mom & Dad, my old roommate and I went to visit University of Maryland (Jim Henson's alma mater) - ran into my old professor & department chair. She wants me to come back to school to work on my PhD and do research (literacy, fluency, language development, aphasia, rehabilitation, augmentative & alternative communication - the opportunities are endless). It may not be too personal, though - I know there's a PhD shortage in my field and they (professors) try to suck any/everyone in to work on a PhD..so I don't consider myself that special. However, I always saw myself as becoming a very good clinician - honing my professional skills, creating new challenges, exceeding them then creating some more. So it's nice to have a connection and contact with her, but for now I'll just keep that at the back of my mind...as there are other projects with higher priority.
The reason the iced tea was so necessary is because my mom and I worked for hours this afternoon, cleaning out a storage unit that my dad has...he has kept old antiques and stuff in this for over 3 years, and it's time to downsize (and stop paying rent). We started last week, and have steadily made progress...and while working, I've realized that I too need to downsize my life (piles, clutter, collections, extraneous items...donate what i'm not using, give the gifts i've been saving, buying what i need now instead of what i *might* need in the near future...) organize closets, spruce up a few rooms with some cans of paint, get bids for a new roof...and enjoy the house for a while!
...because i think my two-year time frame is about up, and it's time to make some changes. I visited the east coast two summers ago, had a lovely time with friends and family, and...well, just enjoyed the experience of being back 'home'. After which, I gave myself a two-year window to make my life the way I envisioned it, meet new people, put things in place...and I'd assess my progress in two years. Well, here we are, I've made lots of progress on many fronts! However, it's time to start thinking about coming home. This is where I'm from, my old dear friends are here (and there is ample room for many new ones!), and I believe I'd find more progressive-thinking, liberal people in general - the research & best-practices start on the east coast (re: work), Washington DC is nearby so the local news *is* national/world news (re: politics & global concerns), water/bay/ocean is relatively close... And I think I need to give myself permission to know that I moved to a new town in my early 20's, gave it a decade, met a lot of wonderful people, learned a great deal both personally and professionally...and now in my early/mid 30's it's time for a new challenge. A new phase of life. And this isn't because I'm single - I'm not seeking a geographic solution...but I have been lonely for a long time - I have friends and acquaintances, am well-liked at work, usually have 'stuff' and 'things' going on during the week, but it's lonesome when you're in a sea of people *or* out with friends and you're not known. Maybe I'm just not happy - not depressed nor sad, just not happy...and I know happiness won't just knock on my door in the shape of a life-partner or a shiny new toy. It needs to come from within. With me being an introvert I'm comfortable with my own company, I enjoy being around friends, enjoy meeting new people... I wonder if I'm standing in my own way re: happiness? I wonder what's missing, what I'm trying to fill a void for? Or is it just because I'm not where I'm supposed to be? I've got oodles of time to mull this over, as any change wouldn't occur for a year at minimum. But instead of tossing & turning in bed with my caffeine-induced awake status (at now 2:37am) it's helpful to pour out some of my thoughts here.
on that note, thanks for reading, please stop in to say hello, or offer a good book suggestion and/or favorite beverage, vote your conscious if the toilet paper roll should be installed 'over' or 'under', suggested fingernail polish color, cake decorating techniques, favorite pasttime, or any other trivial/vital information you deem imperative...and I hope you have a splendid day ::waves::