Categories: uncategorized
Date: 10 June 2009 02:00:29
Woke up this morning at 4:15, after going to sleep after midnight. After a long day today, including a work meeting that lasted 6.5 hours instead of 3, a trip to the library to get books on tape, adventures to the post office to mail a package to my niece & nephews out west, trips to/from car to load the trunk with gifts & things I'm taking with me, watering of plants, finishing laundry, trying to use up the eggs & milk (as they will expire before i return)... I'm wrapping up the home and life here so I can have an adventure by traveling back home and visiting with family and friends. In addition to reconnecting to where I come from, it will also be a 'work' trip to help accomplish tasks that I'm unable to do on a weekly basis (as we're about 900 miles apart). So it makes me feel like a better daughter, and it also helps relieve the burden (hopefully) and is mostly helpful to my family. Will set my alarm for before dawn tomorrow, and hope to be on the road before first light. note to self: make sandwich for lunch. and don't forget the yogurt!
I've surprised myself by acting insecure -with people who don't matter, really. Was trying to repair something with one neighbor, and sounded rather silly... apologized for cutting the shared lawn space too short with the other neighbor - she didn't even notice, which was good. And the third neighbor? I think we're what you'd call 'frenemies', as we're not close anymore, and it's much more superficial. Which is jsut fine with me, but then i find myself trying to reestablish something we've figured out doesn't work...and I come off the fool. For example, today we were chatting from across the road, and I wanted to show her something I had just bought, and while getting it out of the trunk I almost dropped it - actually, *did* drop it, but then caught it and helped it slide to the ground, thus nothing was broken - thank goodness! Wonder what this all means? I don't know what i'm trying to prove, but i just need to accept that sometimes some people just don't get along as well as others do, and that's a-ok.
perhaps I'll do some long hard thinking while in the car tomorrow...all day. It's kindof like a mobile office - got my phone, a radio, lots and lots of books on tape, some traveling music... is it too early to have a mid-life crisis? I need to jump back in and take control of that which I've let go over the past few years...because I deserve to be in a loving relationship, to surround myself with friends, to expand my friendship circle, to give the love and caring that's in my heart to someone/others who are special enough to receive it, and, well, that's that then. The head & the heart need to have a serious conversation soon, and hopefully I'll get back on track. We shall see!