Categories: uncategorized
Date: 10 November 2006 15:59:39
is eating dark chocolate for breakfast a bad thing? ...apparently dark chocolate is good for you. donno.
am not working today due to Veteran's Day... i'll try to find a link. go here:
am kindof in an interesting place - getting a bit burned out. not knowing who i am at the moment. totally overwhelmed with what i need to do.
am starting to get a little freaked out b/c i havne't sold my condo yet. so i'm paying two gas bills, two electric bills, etc. and the holidays are rapidly approaching... and methinks that between now and christmas, no one will be buying - they'll probably wait until after janurary.
my father's health continues to vary day by day. apparently it's not uncommon for someone to enter a deep depression after a major surgery. his 'will' is deflated... not sure if he's capable of fighting, and he's so miserable - i have many mixed emotions. ...add onto that he continues to make huge financial errors in judgment - he touched a sum of money he & mom decided was off-limits... he's not capable of seeing the big picture, and he continues to put their security in danger with his decisions... or perhaps he's not thinking. dad self-medicates with buying things (food, antiques, gadgets)... makes him feel better, and damn the consequences. i encouraged mom to go to the bank yesterday to put the $ in a seperate account - as of last night she hadn't done it yet (he can't do much from a hospital bed, now can he?) but my argument is to do it now, because once he comes home it won't be on the top of her priority list. oh, and they put in a pace-maker into Dad yesterday... and didn't tell her. not sure i understand what's going on... and, see, the thing is: he has done this to himself. he has let his health get to this point. like i said, mixed emotions.
my threshold for frustration is fairly low at the moment. almost took last monday off because i needed a day to myself. i have a high-maintenance teacher who is difficult to work with - we're figuring out our own communicaiton style. she changes from dr. jeckel to mr. hyde and back again with high frequency... needless to day, i look forward to days i'm not in her room. she makes me tired.
added onto that is the feeling of being burned-out: it's a struggle to come up with new ideas, i get tired thinking about the upcoming day, and i'm not feeling innovative or energized. this is a problem. perhaps i'll be sick next week. just one day...
the trashmen are on my street at the moment. dind't take out the garbage cans. ant i'm not going to now. don't really care. must wait until next tuesday. not a big deal, really.
went shopping last night with two friends... we all work with students (one is a middle-school math teacher, one is an elementary reading teacher, and i'm a pre-school speech-language pathologist) so by 5:30 we were all pretty tired... but we had a nice dinner, and then made a plan for early holiday shopping. see, the thing is, i knew them both seperately... and we started hanging out.. and now, sometimes, i feel like the outsider. and i said stupid stuff last night - you know, just wasn't in a happy place... hope i didn't put either friend off with my mood shifting.. will clarify later - touch base with them. but i am just feeling all out of sorts at the moment. i need a fairy godmother to come down, tell me i'm ok, that the weight of the world isn't truly on my shoulders, and that it's ok to feel overwhelmed, and that everything will get done, and don't get discouraged... and then she would help me make a master To Do list with helpful solutions and ideas to cross things off my list.
unfortunately, she's not real. and i feel very alone.
and i know i have lots of friends. and i know i'm very blessed. and i know that almost everyone feels lonely. i'm no different. then why does it impact me so? why can't i pacify myself with the knowledge that other people feel similarly?
and why can't i do all this stuff on my own? ...why am i worried that i've alienated my friend who came over last weekend to help me organize/unpack? why do i want to cry right now? what's wrong with me? why can't i take this day (when i'm not working) and knock some stuff off that list? why do i just want to crawl into bed and let the day pass...most likely because i know i'll just regret it later.
wanted this to be an upbeat, positive, humorous post. wanna hear a knock-knock joke? nevermind. i don't have the energy at the moment... BUT, i'm going to email my friends from last night (seperately) and touch base. that might make me feel better. (they're both working at the moment...email is the best way to reach them)
and then i'm going back to some of the stores from last night - to return some items i thought about, and decided 'no'.
and then i'm going to hire a different company to clean the windows in my condo (hired someone two weeks ago, and they keep pushing me back, then dont' return my calls... they're fired)
and then i'm going to find a handyman to fix things at the condo (for the city inspection) and hopefully someone to fix a few odds/ends at my new house.
and then i'm going to pay my property taxes.
and then i'm going to contact a company to put my real estate property on the multiple-list-service-thing (that real estate agents use) so my condo will be seen by others looking...
and then i'm going to start preparing for Thanksgiving - make a menu, shopping list, etc.
and then i'm going to inventory my holiday gifts for family, and start wrapping if the mood strikes me.
adn then i'm going to finish assembling my darn gas grill. want to start using it. can't use it if it's not assembled.
and then i'm going to finish organizing the upstairs (except the office - that will take some time... need to go through a few file cabinets 1st, decide how the room will be used, etc. much too much for just today)
and then i'm going to bring up the laundry and clothes and sweaters and things safely packed in the basement in plastic trash bags from my move in late July. time to bring out the warm clothes for cold seasons.
and then i'm going to unpack the therapy materials... honestly, i could start my own preschool with all the stuff i have. and it's a lot. and it's mostly organized already. i just need to find everything a home.
and then i need to decorate the bathroom in the basement - a friend gave me some cute hand-me-downs (coordinated shower/tissue box holder/soap dispenser, etc) this isnt' brain science, but i just haven't done it yet.
and i need to start a pile of things to donate - you know, the things that are always in the laundry pile, because you're not sure where it goes, and it may/may not be dirty, so it's just always int he pile... so i either need to find a home for those things, or donate them.
and then i'll go to the grocery store. i have no food in the house - a grocery run is in order. but i don't really have the energy to plan a menu for the next few days. and i know buying frozen pizza isn't a good solution either. neither is eating out. too expensive, too.
and then i'll read a book. or watch some television. in my clean and organized basement.
nevermind... i'm going back to bed.