Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 July 2006 11:24:34
Some / most / all / none of you know my current thoughts about religion. Particularly prayer. Like, its pointless. But there are times I do wonder. And I wonder what would've happened if people hadn't prayed.
Like getting this job.
I knew people were praying for me. But since I was the only candidate (the others all got jobs during the week leading up to the interview) was that why I got it? (I do think I did well in the teaching / interview anyway though.) Although, in the car on the way to the interview, I did one of the rare attempts at prayer that I very occasionally do, and one of the things I was thinking about when doing this, was, 'who am I to ask for the job, presumably all the other candidates will be desparately wanting the job too, so why should god help me get it?' So that got me thinking that maybe that was how god got round that one, he made sure the others got other jobs so that I didn't feel bad about them not getting this one if I got it. Or was that just chance?
And like Thursday morning.
Depression sucks big time, and I'm having a few major big time 'downs' at the moment. I had one on Thursday morning, the worst I've had since I 'went nuts' a few years ago, and pretty much cried helplessly for a couple of hours. This wasn't a good thing, because we had no food in the house for lunch, and since I have no car at the moment, I was going to have to take Alien on the bus to go into the nearest village to get food, and go to the post office. Because of the state I was in, there was no way I could manage that. I couldn't think of anyone nearby who I could ask to come over, and the one person I rang to ask (without saying why) was busy so couldn't come over anyway. There was only one person who knew the state I was in, and I knew he was praying for me. My landlady lives right next to us, and we get on really well, but I feel like I've been asking lots of things of her recently, so didn't want to go over and ask. After I'd stopped crying quite so much, she appeared at the door, saying they were going to Sainsburys, and was there anything I needed that they could get for me. Again, was that chance? Was that god? Does make you wonder. But is it just chance? Is it coincidence?
If these were to happen again, but no one was praying, would the outcome have been any different?
Hm.