Surviving to Thriving

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 13 January 2009 15:32:00

I feel a real call to pray. Prayer isn't my strong point, I go up and down with it like other people. I'm not an intercessor and I don't feel particularly gifted in the area but I really feel the need to pray. It's like there's a whole world out there and we should be down on our knees crying out to God to intervene. At the end of Heidi Baker's book she talks about seeking God's face, keep seeking it until you can see Him. I read that back in the summer and yet the phrase still comes back. Will you seek my face? But why is it that although I feel excited by this change that I want to back away. I have the opportunity to spend time with the King of the World, and He wants me to spend time with Him and yet I am too busy or too scared of being taken out of my comfort zone.

When you read books about people like Jackie Pullinger, Heidi Baker etc their lives are drenched in prayer. And I've been saying to God I want to do mission work but I'm not dependent enough on you, my life isn't saturated in prayer. I'm not calling out to you, how do I change this?? And this is the answer, Gods making me hungry. It's like there's a whole world out there and I don't know even half of whats going on but I feel called to pray. I want God to give me the details or a subject or a country to pray for but the picture in my head is of the world. I feel that God wants me to just call out to him but I don't have the words, and there are lots of 'what ifs' going round my brain. And yet at the same time I want to yell out words of adoration, I feel joy bubbling up inside me at the thought so whats holding me back???