Categories: uncategorized
Date: 31 December 1969 23:59:59
Unfortunately yesterday’s visit to the hospital was unproductive – no results; no idea what is going on; nothing they can give me. Just blood tests and the swelling drained (only to come up again a few hours later). Apparently I just have to wait for the results to come in and if things get really unbearable got to emergency to have the fluid aspirated. I seem to be spending my time waiting – to see doctors, for results, to see doctors again. I just want to know what is going on, and no-one has any answers.
Quite frankly I’m getting really p****d off with it all. I’m fed up of hearing the words “you’ll have to wait…” or being told they can’t do anything until they know what the results are. The swelling is upsetting me - it’s uncomfortable and unsightly and every time they drain it I know that I’ve only a few hours relief before it’s back. In the meantime I feel exhausted and depressed.
I’m finding myself questioning where God is in all this. I know He brought me to the point of having to trust Him, but I’m finding it extremely to do so when so much is up in the air and unresolved. Why isn’t He answering prayers for healing? And not just my prayers (I can understand why He may not answer mine) but prayers of those who are faithfully holding me up at the moment – especially during the times when I feel weak and unable to carry on.
People are trying to reassure me that God is here and He is listening – but I want action. If God really loves me surely He would want me to be healed? And as God, in a way, set the wheels in motion for this operation to take place why aren’t things working out? Why is it one thing after another yet again?