Categories: uncategorized
Date: 31 December 1969 23:59:59
In the end I went to w*rk's do last night and did have a good time despite feeling exhausted. Caribbean restaurant was great - you even get to write on the walls with a gold pen (cool).
I lost count of the rum punches and "sex on a beach" cocktails I drank - but then again I wasn't paying so who cares. I did not have a hangover either :)))
Got woken up by phone at 11am - vicar wanting to know how I was. Think it was a courtesy call rather than a "by the way tomorrow can you...?" type of call. Hope it was anyway.
Spent most of the day attempting to be domestic. Managed to do somethings like tidy up and stick washing on but I passed on cleaning. I'll never make anyone a good wife - in terms of being domestic that is. Someone once told me I'd make the perfect mistress - they probably saw how bad my housekeeping was. Maybe I should take their advice and become one?
Checked emails and found an invitation for pizza and board games so decided to go. Made a change from staying in and watching TV (although we were sort of watching "Runaway Bride" as well).
Church tomorrow - wonder whether I'll ever get back to feeling close to God. Just feel so distant and outcast. Wonder if that's why I'm getting all the sh1t in my life at the moment?
A few weeks ago I did ask God to let me know he was near, if he was listening. Asked him for a sign that he actually cared about me. I won't forget how cold the room became; how empty and hollow I felt - as if God finally walked out and slammed the door.
Strange all I wanted was for him to wrap me in his arms and say things will be OK and that he loved me. Was that too much to ask?
Told you I was feeling weird