Categories: music, church, decisions, not-well
Date: 07 December 2008 15:20:53
It would appear, after proper investigation, I have been indulging in the 'flu. It confused me, because I've not had obvious cold-type symptoms but I will continue to feel grotty for a while to come...
Not, as I was beginning to suspect to myself, some kind of self-induced illness to avoid the excessive Advent/Christmas activities in the numerous different environments in which I will be partaking of aforementioned activities... one parish with four churches, and assorted related activities, three schools, one college, one home....
Or to avoid something else all together. Of the Humungous Discussions variety that might or might not be life changing. Of which more later if perchance there is more to say.
I am not being harsh on myself for suspecting myself of self induced illness. I was a past expert at inducing migraines as a teenager, when the pain of a migraine was preferable to the pain of whatever was about to happen. Until I realised what I was doing... I have been known to "extend" an illness by a day or two longer, when I really could've been out and about.
It doesn't make me feel much better about yesterday. I probably should not have done what I did, but I wanted to... except, I was rude and snappy every time someone came up to ask how I was... or they stood peering over my shoulder or insisting on talking to me whilst I was playing (I was sat at the organ in one of the churches, playing carols to provide background to an open day).until it ended in tears, and it was finally realised I really meant it when I said, "I can do this, but just leave me alone." Even on a good day, though, I'd've been saying "Please, go away, you're distracting me." or "I can't play and talk at the same time." Just with a smile on my face.
So, in between bursts of activity, I am conceding I need to sleep, or at least lie down until I feel more myself again.