Categories: church, life, decisions, work
Date: 15 May 2010 18:28:20
There are weeks when I know exactly why I love my jobs, and this week has been one of them. I've had a crazy busy week, full of surprises, some frustrations, and moments of sheer joy... and um, some moments of sheer inanity for which I've had to apologise profusely! Luckily, I've got away with it all, especially as it was seen I was really trying to do the right things, just gone about in slightly the wrong ways, as well as trying to be three different people for two days. I was the only healthy person on the team all week!
It's been a week of discovering how my work could develop very well into some new areas, and knowing if we can pull it off, it would add a really interesting aspect to my working week.
It's also been a week of realising the two roles I fulfil in my workplace are gradually working together in ways we couldn't have envisaged, and the spin off for both teams has been manifold.
In my original role, which is technically the smaller of my two jobs, there have been seismic shifts about how I'm utilised. Until recently I would not have been seen as a substitute for my boss, except in my main area of responsibility. This past two weeks, I have found myself taking on new challenges, partly out of necessity, and partly because I've proved I can.
So, despite the fact I work in a very insecure sector at the moment (insecure from the point of view of finances, and general low morale throughout it which has not, on the whole, improved in the new political climate), I got to the end of this week with a strong sense that this is where I am meant to be for the immediate, and foreseeable future. I have both my bosses, and their line manager asking how many hours work do I need to make enough money to live on, and how can they put a package together that works for all of us. (Japes ended up blushing furiously at several points of the week, but especially when the boss I've had least to do with came marching round to find me to check out the rumour that I'd been planning on leaving at the end of the contracted time, to inform me she would happily give me as many hours as she could, I just needed to tell her how many! She also pointed out no amount of qualifications would produce the unique set of skills I have to deal with some of the complex and difficult situations I'm presented with, and she for one was in awe of my ability to do so.... This was my deepest blush making moment of the week. Strong coffee was required after that one. )
I'm fascinated by the timing of all this. I've spent much of the last year being pulled in a million different directions, not able to make my mind up, feeling like a failure for not knowing what I wanted or needed, feeling a sense of other people's anxieties that I wasn't better at organising myself.
But - every time I tried to organise things, nothing worked. The best plan almost did, but fell apart quite dramatically. It was only as I decided to close the door on that option, (which felt like removing a safety net that had always been there) but with no idea of how things were going to pan out, that new work presented itself without my looking for it.
Several months on, it's the same, but a bit different! It has been almost as if God was waiting for me to make the final move to closing the doors on the last twenty years, before gently pointing out all I ever wanted or needed was there just before me, I only had to trust his timing, not mine or anyone else's.
Which for a determinedly independent planner and organiser like me (despite my best attempts to prove the opposite this week) is a tough lesson to learn. Yet, I also remember, somewhat vaguely, praying I would learn to trust God better!! I also remember praying that I'd find out "What I wanted to do when I grow up". I think I know now.
Oh, and I think I no longer want to hide in a back corner at church any more - shame I'm having five weeks off doing some organ playing in other churches!