Date: 17 January 2010 17:52:09
“So, what are the triggers....?”
I got asked this the other week, when I was trying to explain the erratic ups and downs of my emotions at the moment, but I dodged the question a bit at the time, saying there were too many different things, and it could all seem a bit something and nothing!
It’s stayed with me as something to think about, because what I said seemed true at the time, but didn’t satisfy either me or my questioner!
Today’s trigger was one I’ve blogged about before, and I knew even before we got to it, as I’m currently going to a church that is using a hymnbook I know extremely well. To the point of knowing the numbers of hymns I know best, and have used in Car Number Plate Hymn Singing Contests. (Which only works with old cars with two and three digit numbers on the UK registration plates – the current system doesn’t work well, though will we go to three digits now were in year 10? I digress...). I am resigned to music in church doing me in on a regular basis for now, unless I’m playing.
Friday’s triggers, though I covered it up until I got home from work, were odder. One was being mocked for having two back-packs, and how could I possible use two when I only have one back? I’m beginning to get very annoyed about the mocking from this source, as it’s someone I’ve listened to a lot, especially when she is feeling misunderstood for doing something she considers perfectly normal, but other people don’t. I was also thrown by a complete change of timetabling for Job Number Two. I’m sure it’ll be OK, and it is more hours, but it’s unsettling. I was very professional and calm as I was told about it, but reacted when I got home. I know why the changes are being implemented, and they are being done on a logical basis... this is re-enforcing to me that this is not a world I can work in longer than this year.
Yesterday’s trigger shook me up more than I really realised. I’ve made a bit of a joke of it, but the fact remains I was quite shaken and totally adamant that I was finishing my self-appointed task of cleaning behind the bookshelves at Job Number Three so no-one else had to find anything like this. I was rescuing books and stock that had fallen behind them, (easily done, not usually deliberate) or rubbish, items that had been deliberately placed there that were not of the shop stock, and came across this one item of a nasty, obscene kind that I didn’t want to see, or let my colleagues see, let alone any customer in the shop. I came home and immediately had a bath, once I’d destroyed that which I’d found.
I think if I had to sum up the triggers over the last few months, they come into four main categories.