Categories: church
Date: 14 November 2010 16:34:56
Oh dear, that didn't go so well.
I was immediately pounced on as I walked into church this morning, to be apologised to... it might've gone better if the apologiser hadn't repeated the crime of the previous week, in grabbing me by the arm to move me to a corner to explain. Dear soul, if last week I reacted badly to you putting a hand on my shoulder, what makes you think I'd react well to you touching me, even though I could see it was coming, this week? Sorry - my instinct is to step back, and ask you not to touch me.
I wish there was some logical explanation for why I sometime react so badly to being touched. (And, as far as I can tell there are no deep-seated traumas or whatevers to explain it - so don't even think about suggesting it. The best I can come up with I grew up in a very non-tactile family, and being upset about anything got you nowhere, and to this day that continues.) All I know is I do. I do know it's more likely when I'm deeply upset, or if it's unexpected. When I'm head down, eyes closed, very upset - though very quietly so, in public place trying to calm down - my closest, oldest friends wouldn't come anywhere near me until I made it clear it was safe!! Someone unknown putting their hand on my shoulder totally unexpectedly when I'm sat like that... well, you're pretty lucky I didn't swear violently at you, as well as push your hand away.
It also happens when I don't like the person concerned. Which I don't think this is...
I do, unfortunately, have a extremely well calibrated "I'm very good with people, I am trained to be pastoral sensitive, and I'm going to use it on you whether you want it or not!" detector. The words "I was only trying to help" and "But, I was so concerned" accompanied by a very wide-eyed look and hurt expression have me running in the opposite direction - mentally, and physically. And extremely unlikely to have me say anything to you about why I might be upset in church.
I really appreciated the two ladies who usually sit not far from me quietly asking me if I was OK this week, and leaving it at that when I smiled and nodded! I appreciated the person who got in touch in the week, and checked I was OK
I am actually a pretty tactile person when all is well in my world. But, with those who know and love me, and it's by mutual consent!
Ah well...