Categories: uncategorized
Date: 11 November 2006 16:53:38
Dear Uncle Dave,
I read your guide to ecclesiastical posture with interest. Have you ever considered extending your 'ministry' into the area of 'ecclesiastical etiquette?'
For example, take a theological dilemma which I faced only the other day. I was at a Eucharist. When the time came to take communion, I received, as is customary in our neck of the woods, one of those tiny circly rice-papery things. (On occasion this is replaced by a chunk of consecrated, organic, wholemeal stone-ground grit, but I digress). So far, so good. However, on looking down after receiving, I was greatly troubled to see that, like a mishaped biscuit, there remained in my hands a number of tiny fragments. What was I to do? Our church is hardly Catholic with a capital 'C.' so brushing our Lord off onto the carpet would not have resulted in a summary burning of same. (Although as we recently had a new carpet installed, I would likely have incurred the ire of the church cleaner). I then considered picking off and ingesting offending fragments, but we were a tiny congregation, and I feared that the sight of a respectable, middle-aged lady licking her fingers at the most sacred part of the liturgy was hardly the kind of example to be setting to any weaker brethren (and sistren) present.
Eventually I took the law into my own hands - or to be more accurate - out of them, and on returning to my pew, shoved what remained of the host into my jeans pocket.
At least if anyone asks 'Have you found Jesus?' I can offer an original and challenging variation on the stock 'behind the sofa' response.