Categories: uncategorized
Date: 22 July 2004 22:23:56
'...well, I think their pants have dropped off!' (Thank- you Victoria Wood and Patricia Routledge :D) The sentiment rings true more and more nowadays as I approach (ok, I admit it, I'm already there), middle-aged decrepitude. Policemen are getting younger - as are bishops, and good old St Michael's lingerie is not what it once was. Nor are any other of their clothes, as I was reminded yet again on Tuesday during my trip to what I'll refer to enigmatically as the 'other town.' Why oh why is it that most stockists assume that you're just dying to flaunt six inches of naked bulging tummy and your top 6 inches of knicker. Failing that, you're relegated to the old lady 'upholstered sofa' department. There is no middle ground. And as for swimwear!! Do I really want to pay the earth for a tiddly piece of lycra that leaves uncovered bits of me that only Mr M should see, or at the other end of the range, fork out for some delightful creation that a) makes me look like a beached whale and b) has been clearly designed by someone with all the artistic ability 'of a colour blind hedgehog...in a bag.' (thank you Rowan Atkinson and Richard Curtis :D).
Anyway, after trailing round every shop in town, I ended up in the patron Saint of the High Street's emporium, where after much shoving and pushing in the pic 'n mix swimwear department (the trouble with them selling different sized tops and bottoms is that a thousand ladies exactly your size will have been in half a hour before and cleared the shelves, and all you're left with is a skimpy size 8 bottom and a size 99 whaleboned and ruched bikini top) I found a reasonably ok, tankini in bright blue with luminous green and white trim. This changed to instantly desirable when I got to the till to discover that the whole ensemble had been reduced to £6!
And after that, I just had to pop into Monsoon to window shop, (for that read buy floaty cotton flowery top and luminous flowery skirt -so much for good taste!). Quite funny really. Shades of last Sunday and our rector's sermon on Christians and work; the reading was the tale of Mary and Martha, and as he put it - 'Are you Marks and Spencer or Monsoon?' I'd excuse poor Martha any tantrums she might care to throw if she had to cope with this year's offerings. (Although I bet you she didn't have to squeeze herself into a lycra tankini!) No, I've not tried it on...yet.....