Should I subtitle this blog...

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 02 September 2005 17:27:47

...'struggles of a stretched chameleon?!'

Last night I broke through the writer's block of the last few months and a rather nifty multicoloured reptile is now adorning the first page of my brand new journal. Why a chameleon? Well, I suppose it's an oblique reference to trying to be all things to all men/women/persons, really. During one of the rare instances the other day when I wasn't panicing - I was reflecting on the various ups and downs we've had this summer - especially those which have finally forced me to stagger off clutching my entrails (metaphorically speaking). I find this incredibly difficult being a reclusive, introvert Miffy. (It's bad enough acknowledging I have entrails tbh) And desperation dictating that I've no choice but to wave said entrails around at other (carefully selected) folk is even more scarey. Basically because, I think, the sight of someone else's innards hanging out are not the world's most pleasant sight, and people's reactions vary to it. Some pretend that you're not there. I know - I've done it to others myself in the past. Too much a reminder of your own internal plumbing. Others rush to slap a nice, hygenic sticking plaster on you. After all, the whole business is so embarrassingly untidy, don't you know. And emotional , grey, and frayed at the edges. For heaven forbid that emotion (other than in carefully controlled situations) shades of grey, and ....horrors......doubt (!) should have a place in today's institutional church.

So, thank God for those few, very few people from a third group who've cheerfully - if at times slightly bemusedly* put up with the vagaries of my letting it all hang out, and who've resisted the temptation to reach for the heavenly first aid kit. Or who've used it with care and consideration - whatever their own personal viewpoint might be.

So, why the chameleon, then? Well, isn't it said that a chameleon adapts to whatever colour setting you place it upon.? Hence, if it finds itself on a multicoloured background, the poor thing, in trying to be all things.... becomes in dire danger of exploding! Being a yes person myself, with an all too easy tendency to adapt my opinions and behaviour to those I'm trying to please, is what led to several 'interesting' encounters recently. As it has for Mr Miff. All kinds of reasons behind it all. I need to keep these tendencies in mind, and steer clear of doing a St Paul/chameleon act in future. How to keep the balance between having people don their surgical masks and plead a pressing engagement at my approach and yet stick to my 'true colours,' there's a puzzle!

And, a new feature for the Mifflog: 'What I'm reading.' Might look better by my links in future - if some techie type can tell me how to sort it.

Journeying in Faith http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0281055890/qid%3D1125673777/026-4152142-3705265

Wrestling for Blessing http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0232525846/qid=1125673839/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_8_1/026-4152142-3705265 (thanks to the diocesan newspaper review that put me on to this one...)

Connected Christianity

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1841014206/qid=1125673899/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_8_2/026-4152142-3705265#product-details (thanks to same paper for letting me read this one for them.)

* And a final thanks to old overseas friend, D, who phoned me in a hurry this morning. I didn't have any time to explain what it's all about, but a quick 'entrails,' 'scared stiff' and 'pray tomorrow, please,' and she understood.

Crikey. I need a strong cup of tea after all that.