Categories: uncategorized
Date: 30 October 2006 14:14:00
I blurted.
It's a good word that, and not one that I would be able to translate into any other language - the connotations are just too manifold. I sometimes feel my mouth has some sort of bipolar disorder because one day I am silent to the annoyance of all around me, and then another day I just blurt things out that really would be better unsaid. So on this occasion I said something that, on reflection, seemed to be calculated simply to make me look good and someone else look bad. Yuk. The fact that I said it to that someone's mother probably meant it had no such effect (I hope!) but maybe makes it even less excusable. The someone had offered to do me a favour (a kindness which I showed through my blurting to be totally undeserved) and then, realizing that she couldn't actually do the favour herself, she volunteered her mum to do it instead. Very kind. So why did I then have to tell her mum that this offer had been made without her consultation and that I had been so good as to refuse it. Blurt. Blurgh.
I know that often I'm living out the lyric "their deductions need applause" - I want other people to see how clever and perceptive I am. That was the case with something that's been weighing on my mind for the last 24 hours and which I am in great danger of blurting out. Perhaps if I say it here in sufficiently abstract terms then I'll get it out of my system without annoying or incriminating anyone. Someone did something innocuous. But they did it in a certain way that makes it less innocuous. And they did it at a time when circumstances, as they well knew, made certain consequences more likely than they would otherwise have been. So what at first glance seemed completely innocuous started to look deeply suspicious. It took me a while to make the connections, but once I thought about it I realized that 2 and 2 and 2 added up to a determined attempt to do something that really should not have been done. By chance the whole chain of events was derailed by a walk in the park, which is quite a relief. If you know what I'm talking about, it's probably better to say no more. And if you don't, well, please don't ask because I'd rather not be provoked into blurting something out that, like so many other things I've said, should be left unsaid.