Six days ago

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 07 November 2006 11:26:24

I thought about surnames.

I was in a rather undignified condition. I don't really want to get into details here, but I feel I need to point out that it was not really my own fault, at least it wasn't anything like the culpably drunk-and-falling-over sort of undignified state that you may be imagining. But it did involve me being significantly undressed in a public place, and so feeling rather vulnerable. Someone spoke to me, addressing me in a fairly formal way, using my surname: Mr Ark. Now, normally that is a respectful form of address and probably someone in a vulnerable position ought to be treated respectfully. Yet it made me feel even more undignified and miserable and angry at my situation. I couldn't exactly understand why but I remember thinking that just using my first name, Lan, would have been more appropriate and acceptable. I realize now that by using the formal form of address it emphasized that we were in a public situation which reinforced how inappropriate and undignified my state of undress was, whereas by using my first name it would have suggested that the situation was not so public, but was more intimate, so that it was okay to be so "casually" dressed.

I suppose that occasion struck me because I'm far more used to being offended at people using my first name when I feel they have no right to. Sales people are particularly bad in that respect, although my annoyance there may be down to the psychological manipulation that I know they are trying to achieve. But objectively I can see that I'm quite often annoyed by people using my surname. One of my best friends almost always calls me Ark and even now it still grates. But there are many good logical reasons why he does it (e.g. Lan is the name of his brother) and the strength of friendship makes it easy to forgive. Unfortunately one of his housemates has started to copy him and since this housemate doesn't have any of the same reasons, and doesn't have the years of goodwill to mitigate the offence, I am left wanting to punch him every time. So far I've held myself in check but I fear it's only a matter of time.

One of the most memorable letters I've ever had (actually, I think it must be the most memorable - I can't think of another more memorable) started "Dear Ark". It was from an ex-RAF, ex-private school, Cambridge professor, so probably was an absolutely standard opening for him, but having a completely different background it just struck me as amusingly absurd, and even now makes me laugh. Of course the fact that the letter was offering me a much-needed job in the mediterranean might have helped reduce any offence I might have been tempted to take, but I like to think I'm not bought so easily. Well, I might like to think that, but when I remember my friend's housemate I have to conclude that I really don't have many grounds for confidence.