Categories: uncategorized
Date: 27 November 2006 13:32:50
I was an absolute beginner
I was in my first year at University. To say I enjoyed Uni would be a gross understatement. To say that those were the best days of my life would be a huge understatement too. My life felt pointless and almost unbearable up to that point, and from then on it just felt like the sun had come up, or summer had begun. For me life began at age 18. (Which reminds me of a debate on abortion we had in a school - the teacher pointed out that views on abortion largely depend on when you think life begins, to which a classmate replied that life begins at 40). I sometimes think it's never been quite as good since, but the sun has never come even remotely close to going down, and life has never remotely threatened to be as bad as it was before that time.
But the funny thing is that the actual specific instants that I can recall, particularly of that first year, are all painful ones: in a corridor outside a party (not being allowed in, or not in a fit state to go in, having just downed a bottle of whiskey) - feeling lovesick for someone who was just sick of me - worrying about a terminally depressed friend - embarrassing myself horrendously without even the aid/excuse of alcohol - getting hoity-toity about something I was completely wrong about. Yet despite not remembering any good specifics I know that the whole time was fantastic.
It puzzles me but I suppose the good side was that the whole framework of life had changed - I had moved to a land of milk and honey. (Perhaps literally if we allow a bit of extrapolation to interpret milk and honey as excessive dairy fat and sugar, but definitely figuratively). And when that happens well, you don't tend to have specific memories of eating honey or drinking milk because they are everyday occurrances - instead all you remember are the negatives. Or is that just me?