Categories: uncategorized
Date: 14 June 2007 14:16:17
I fell in love.
Well maybe not actually love, but something like it. I was certainly mesmerized by the girl, couldn't take my eyes off her, kept thinking about her afterwards. I even remember discussions at school in the days afterwards that would just end in us all gazing into space in awe. That's one of the few memories where I recall being in-synch with the others at school. I'd reacted in just the same way as the them; for once I was normal. I suppose that was comforting because it meant I probably wasn't going to get my head kicked in the imminent future. It seems important to point out that it's the "because" in that sentence that is the key word.
I saw her again the night before last, for the first time since all those years ago. At first I didn't recognize her, and when I did I impulsively started looking (probably unwisely) for any sign of what appealed way back when. Fortunately that gamble, albeit one I hadn't deliberately taken, paid off - I couldn't find any sign of attraction at all. And it's not as if she'd changed, cos I was watching a video from the same quarter-century-old era. So it's just down to me changing. Curious: one day a chocolate eclair appeals, another day it doesn't. What's the sense in that? I suppose it'd be more worrying if my tastes hadn't changed in twenty five years. And I suppose only by sniffing at several different flowers do you learn which one you like best. Still it feels strange to realize that the same me is not the same me at all. In fact, what does the now-me have in common with the then-me? A few memories - is that all? And what does it matter? Besides, some Greek philosopher will have worked all this out if I could only be bothered to find out. But I suppose sometimes it's the puzzling out that's satisfying, not the knowing the answers.