Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 October 2007 15:21:33
I railed against repression.
I have a dark secret that I've kept completely hidden because I know it wouldn't go down too well in my circle of friends, at church, amongst my work colleagues, my family, anywhere. But it is me, this dark secret. I've been pretending it's not, and that it's just an aberration, not truly me, but this has been driving me up the wall, and I've finally accepted that it's better not to pretend but to accept myself as I am in my entirety.
My secret is this. I like women. But only ones wearing yellow trousers. I know it's strange and unique. Among all the fetishes documented (and provided for, yeurgh) on the web, of which there is no small number, I've found no mention of this one, but there it is. Does that make it wrong - it's uniqueness? I don't think so, but I'm not very sure. Yes, I am, it's not. It's okay. That's me, and that's how I am. Even more unique, actually, because the women have to have brown hair with touches of grey (but no more than touches, anything more than highlights is grossly off-putting). Moreover they have to be new to me - once I get to know them personally the attraction disappears - it just vanishes completely. Like the morning mist, I'd write if I were trying to be a cheesy poet. They must be fresh, at least fresh to me. And of course I want to sleep with them. So there it is, that's my secret. It feels very shameful to write, but I write in the trust that I have an accepting audience here. I trust I'm not going to get hounded off the wibsite for writing this, although I am still nervous even so. I haven't dared write it before, and certainly haven't dared tell anybody. But finally I feel the time has come to accept myself, who I am, and start the process of dealing with it, and dealing with how everyone else deals with it. I like to sleep with yellow-trousered women I don't know. That's who I am. Sorry, I just have to keep saying it, if only for myself.
I don't really expect acceptance generally. Honestly, though I hope it will be otherwise, I guess I really know that when I go out to the clubs in town looking for women matching those criteria, when I start chatting them up (just enough to get them into bed, not enough to get to know them and lose the spark), I know I will be condemned. When I run into people who know me I understand that if I honestly tell them what I'm doing they'll have no sympathy for me. They'll probably explain why serial monogamy is so wrong. (For that, monogamy, is one of the rules I stick to - I never try to get two women at the same time). They'll quote "enjoy yourself with the wife of your youth" and so on. (Yes, just one casual aside in the old testament is all they can usually find to defend their position). They'll probably find some biblical passage explaining why the pursuit of yellow-legged ladies is wrong. But I've checked: there's no such passage, so I know they'll just be twisting the scriptures for their own ends. So really there's no argument. It's not acceptable to the general populace, but that doesn't make it wrong, does it. That's what I have to keep telling myself to avoid ripping myself to shreds. And I guess I've got to accept myself if I'm to persaude anybody else to accept me. Wish me luck.