Categories: uncategorized
Date: 19 March 2010 10:00:12
I went to a rave. Well, ok, maybe that's not the best term for it, but it's hard to choose a word without making quite a strong value judgement that I don't feel happy to make. I have a friend who I am trying to introduce to things Christian. He and I are both musicians so when I was asked to play for a local gospel choir I thought I'd ask him to come along, partly just to give me a hand and some moral support. I knew the choir were going to be singing some stuff and then a woman visiting from Africa was going to speak. But this choir has a habit of forgetting to inform you of certain salient things. Like when the whole thing might end. Like the fact that the group organizing the event were at the extreme charismatic end of things. Like the fact that this was a woman's group. My pal, being sat in the front row, didn't notice, as the room filled up, that the gender bias was, shall we say, somewhat unequal. Since I was on stage I pretty quickly saw that he was one of precisely two men in the auditorium, but I didn't realize that he hadn't noticed. So when I sat down next to him and said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize this was just for women", he did a cartoon-like look around the room and his face was a picture. Still, he was man enough to cope with being almost alone in a roomful of women. And we both coped with the typically charismatic "word" that the speaker delivered. What struck me was how absolutely sure of herself she was. She began by informing us that she'd discussed with God what to say and that he'd made clear that this message was not for any of the other towns she was visiting, but was specifically for us. Quite why our particular town needed that particular combination of random anecdotes, incoherent exhortations and deluded rants was something I just put down to God moving in mysterious ways. But, as I suppose I should have realized, when her "message" came to an end, it needed to be consummated with people being slain in the spirit. I've been to enough events where this sort of thing goes on to be slightly unfazed by it. Yes, we all know of the preachers who pray over someone, laying their hands on the person's forehead and applying enough pressure to ensure the person falls over. Yes, there are undoubtedly charlatans around and yes, like the best liars, they first delude themselves so that they can act with complete sincerity (a point worth bearing in mind when considering the justification of recent wars this country has been involved in). But. I've seen enough of this stuff to see some good come out of it, with people being genuinely changed by it. So while I'm not entirely happy with it I absolutely refuse to dismiss it all. Being, as I mentioned, in the front row, we were, unfortunately, rather in the way when people who had come to stand in front of the stage (yes, it was that kind of a "church") to get prayed over started falling over backwards. And that proximity just emphasized my feeling of disconnection. There was a lot of talk about the spirit being here (with the distinct implication that half an hour ago he wasn't here, and with the implicit consequence that the next morning, when we had to face the trials of this life, he also wouldn't be there - giving a different denominational approach to ensuring the good of Christian meetings is contained within the meeting and not allowed to enhance the rest of our lives), but with people showing off so much effect of the "spirit"'s presence, and me feeling nothing, it just left me feeling isolated. And of course my inclination to feel that it was my fault that I was feeling like this was only encouraged by the things people said. The discomfort of believing there to be something good going on, and yet feeling quite queasy about it, was really pinpointed by a comment my friend made on the way home, which neatly encapsulated a vague thought that had crossed my mind earlier on. As he put it, "I've heard women make noises like that before. And I've been to church before ...." and I don't think he got to complete the point before we both wet ourselves laughing.