Categories: uncategorized
Date: 10 April 2006 14:37:17
I started to doubt myself (even more than before).
I really want something. At least I think I do. (But maybe I'm just telling myself I do). I am even convinced that I should want this thing. And I know there is a huge gap in my life that this thing should fill. But as it gets more likely that I will get what I want, I find myself fearing more and more that it won't be what I want when I actually get it. When that time comes I worry that it won't satisfy any of this yearning that I feel. And then where will I be?
I've been round this circuit loads of times before (and vaguely blogged about it) with things of lesser importance. And mostly convinced myself that I don't really want them, and that they won't do me any good. That was great in some respects (it sure helped cut down my expenditure), but led me to evaluate almost everything as worthless. That has its downsides, like if you then look for some values in life and find that everything is valueless.
I suppose I trained myself (deliberately: we were skint so I needed to avoid spending anything) into seeing everything as pointless, and am now finding that habit hard to break. How do you train yourself to see the value in things?