Date: 30 August 2007 23:52:50
This version of Rotkäppchen by the brothers Grimm is brought to you by Kerensa to illustrate that it has been a Little Red Riding Hood-sort of day.
Little Red Riding Hood picked up her basket and locked the door of her cottage on the edge of the forest to go for a day out in the big wide world. She skipped happily through the forest on her way to the next village. “Hello sun!” she cried. “Hello skippy squirrels and hello little bunny rabbits! I'm on a big day out of the office.” Soon she reached “All the better to see you with”. Ms Optician held up lots of letters which Little Red Riding Hood read easily. Even the little tiny ones on the bottom line were child's play. “Well,” said Ms Optician, visibly disappointed, “there does not seem to be a problem there. That'll be a small fee, please. We'll send you a reminder about another check-up in two years' time.”
Little Red Riding Hood skipped off further down the forest path towards the door of “All the better to eat you with”.
“Hello, Mr Super-specialised Dentist,” said LRRH cheerily, as she filled in the medical history form, privately wishing her parents had given her a shorter name. The super-specialised dentist filled her mouth with an array of spiky instruments and had a fine old time digging around with gay abandon. “Well, I have to tell you the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth,”* he said gravely. “As you know from your own common-or-garden dentist, there is a bit of problem in one of your teeth, a problem which I am now going to describe to you using lots of Latinate medical words which will mean nothing to you but I will feel incredibly superior because I understand them very well. Although you can't see anything or feel any pain whatsoever, this condition will need attention. However, we don't actually know how to treat this incredibly unusual phenomenon. There are three options open to us and, frankly, we're just going to have to work through them one by one at a gazillion pounds each per treatment. But don't worry, it's not urgent. Please pay a day's wages for the 10 minutes I've spent with you and make another appointment with the receptionist before you leave.”
So, I won't be seeing him again for ages and ages....at least six weeks.
My question is: where is the handsome woodcutter who comes rushing to your (financial) aid when you need him most?
* Gentle reader, I deceive you not. He actually said this! Yep, he did. Brownies' honour.