Categories: uncategorized
Date: 05 July 2005 21:06:30
It was several things that made me cry tonight.
Four tales of utter, horrible, human tragedy which I had started to type out but can't bring myself to do so. Just utterly sad, wrenchingly sad. The sort of thing where you think 'how can that happen? Just how?'
Then there was a couple of negative pieces of news following emails that I'd sent out. Again, served to lower my spirit. Feels like I'm pushing a mountain up a mountain sometimes and just don't feel like it some days.
The part of the book I'm writing at the moment is also the hardest, most affecting part. About anorexia and despair and self harm and all told it takes a lot to get into and out of the paragraphs that surround the issues. I hope so much that it can help, what I'm doing, which also adds a sense of responsibility to it all.
Most of all, and hardest to cope with always, was putting son boy to bed after a bath. Sometimes the world he lives in and the things he comes out with are cute, but they are still the 2 year old ramblings of a 6 year old boy and I don't know, nobody knows, what the autism is likely to be like for him and us in the future... Something about it all clobbered me tonight and I found myself crying so hard that my ribs hurt and I've now got a hammering headache. Had planned to write tonight, don't feel able to now, bar this which may or may not be theraputic. Funnily enough as I went through the misery (which only lasted ten minutes or so, if that) the line 'It was a combination of things that made me cry...' that floated through my mind, like I was speaking to myself, reporting on the event even though I couldn't stand, let alone think properly. Odd.
There have been some lovely things happen today. Forest Books have agreed to stock Library of Everything and to feature it in their next catalogue and have said immensly positive things about it, a friend has emailed me with news of the birth of his daughter (who even at two weeks takes a pretty cool piccy, the baby that is, not the friend... ) and another has told me that he and his wife are expecting again. Congrats to SP and DB and other halves. The LICC have offered this quote for Dr Sylver book 1: Brilliantly original and inventive storytelling (which is lovely, thank you). Met up with future line manager concerning youth work role I'm about to take on, more on that later.
All told though.... Dunno. Tired now. Time to stop for the night I think.