Categories: uncategorized
Date: 08 July 2005 11:05:16
One email came in to remind me that my brain is actually a pretty small thing and that I'm not always the most thoughtful of friends as it should be.
The past week has been pretty full of tragedy, from tales of suicide that came up in my researching the final chapters of book 2 (not that that was what I was looking into, but they came up anyway) to a horrible horrible accident during this weeks Guildford raft race. The final chapters of Dr Sylver 2 are also pretty harrowing to write, because it's a mindset thing that has been pretty draining. And then of course there was the horribleness of the news from London yesterday...
So was stumbling along through last night when an email came in which reminded me that I often look inwards when things are trying rather than outwards. I curl up in an emotional ball and wallow, rather than trying to think of or try to help others out. Case in point, had thought of people in London but not thought of whether I knew anyone in London at the time (in fact I can now think of four people whom I'm trying to get in touch with).
One email served to kick me up the backside and it was from someone who I've always loved to pieces and always taken for granted friendship wise. It's a friend who has always been generous with her time and help, for both myself and family and yet, when all of this happened I didn't give a second thought to. I thought she worked from home, hadn't considered that her head office was in London, and then when the email came through and she told me that she had been evacuated from the tube station just before the first blast and then walked into the path of the bus bomb I felt like I was going to be sick. The idea of someone so giving being so close to such awfulness made the whole thing infinately worse... Thinking about it now makes me feel cold... fragile...
Still trying to make sense of the insane, but when I think of it it's specific faces that come to mind and I guess many people are in that place. I'm often kicking myself for my inward nature... Now more than ever, but am so grateful for this friends continued existance... Again, now more than ever.