Categories: uncategorized
Date: 13 February 2006 14:03:34
Well, this is my first foray onto this blog. Jennyany has kindly given me permission to use this to expostulate my thoughts on New Child. Like Jenny, I've been so impressed by how many lovely, warm and thoughtful comments people have left. It's such a journey into the unknown, and it's great having a community of people behind you.
I do want to make one thing clear. Jennyanydots and Mr Dots are not, repeat NOT pet names. Thank you.
A few thoughts:
1. How do you prepare yourself mentally? How do you draw the line between being well informed and being obsessed? How do you stop it taking over every waking thought, but still make sure you are prepared? I'm trying to avoid the obsessiveness a bit too much at this stage - but then it's annoying for J. if I can't engage on issues that she's read about. So I need to start reading more, but then I can't stop thinking about it because it's so big. Then I can't work properly or do anything else that I have to do.
2. I want to be a dad. Now, I don't give a monkey's if the child is my personal offspring or someone else's. I constantly second-guess myself that I'm in denial about this, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I'm not fussed on whether the child's DNA is mine or not. What I absolutely want and need is a close relationship with our child. So my biggest fear is that we'll have difficulty bonding with our child. Which brings me to
3. If you read through the ‘Form F' (form where social worker dissects your life, writes about you in detail and suggests what sort of child would be a good match for you), there's this section on what type of child needs you could deal with. Before looking at this form, I'd always thought of myself as a tolerant, un-prejudiced sort of a guy. I knew I had my prejudices like everyone. But you confront them in a way you never have before when looking at what sort of child you could take into your family. I rationalise this because I want to make sure that I can bond with my child (see above), and I'd struggle to do that with a violent or excessively hyperactive child. Not sure either that I could care for a child with learning difficulties. I'm glad that when we are adopted by God, he doesn't use the same criteria I do though. Spiritually I still have learning disabilities, ADHD and problems learning to trust.