Categories: uncategorized
Date: 06 June 2006 12:34:54
it's terrible how indignation creeps up on you after the fact rather than at the time a thing is said when it might prompt you to deal with misconceptions and discrimination at the time they happen. rather than steaming about it afterwards. rather than thinking of the past situations that you've already dealt with.
instead of taking yesterday's meeting for what it was and moving on from it, today i have been thinking of all the nasty, hurtful things people have said to me in the past 10 years, throwing my MS at me like a dagger.
"you just wouldn't know that you have MS. You look perfectly normal!"
"i'm going to give you this job, because i think you're very brave."
"why would you even consider buying a house with stairs when you already own a ground floor flat?"
"don't worry about it. you'll have a perfect body in heaven!"
etc.
You generally deal with statements like those with grace and where you can you gently correct people for wrong thinking, insensitivity and the attempt to manipulate your choices without displaying your hurt. . . but that doesn't mean you don't display those feelings to yourself. One must find a proactive, positive outlet. yes, i do pray, but with me it dosen't help or resolve things immediately.
j.s. bach does.
music is a more effective means of prayer and communication with the almighty for me. so this morning when i couldn't smooth out my rumpled feathers i heard beethovin's 6th on the radio and realised i hadn't been to orchestra practice since our concert in may and i was lacking my best outlet. so out comes my flute and bach's flute sonata no. 2, which was helpful and a bit cathartic (although not for my cat who complained the whole time i was playing, tapping me on the leg and even my head with her paw... she's never liked my flute. i told her if she didn't like it, she knows where the cat flap is. )
thank you god for the great composers and the part of creation that is music.
however, still not finding myself successful at getting down to work, i had to have a cup of tea and blog it all out. feeling much better now. thank you.