Categories: uncategorized
Date: 26 June 2007 16:33:50
we're approved to adopt 1 child, aged between 0-5. The likelyhood is that we will end up with a 2-4 year old. So I was in the waiting room at my Dr's office recently, waiting to see the doc for a check up. and there i see a display of health information leaflets about toddlers and pre school vaccinations etc. the sign on the display said 'ask for a leaflet at reception'.
so i did. i don't know the first thing about children's health and i've been obviously more determined lately to find out. no one is going to offer me this information. we don't get 'adoption pre-natal classes' or anything like that. i've just got to start asking people for information and find out how the whole thing works.
(we've just bought the lengthly tome that so many of our friends seem to have, what to expect: the toddler years. and although in our situation the advice is most likely to be out of sync developmentally to where our child will actually be, but you've got to start somewhere.)
so i pick up a leaflet and take it to reception:
me: the display said i could ask for one of these leaflets. could i have one please?
receptionist: which leaflets? what?
me: the ones on toddler health.
receptionist: you want one of those leaflets?
me: yes, please.
receptionist: um, just a minute. (turns to nurse) she wants one of those leaflets.
nurse: (with raised eyebrows)what? you want one of those leaflets?? why would you want one of those leaflets?
i get it now. having a chronic illness myself, i'm not exactly a stranger at my dr's surgery. they have never seen me with a baby before. and if they have never seen me with a baby, they can't work out just why i would be interested in toddler vaccinations.
most people assume that 'toddler' means 'baby first'. most people assume that 'baby' means 'pregnant'. many people assume that 'pregnant' means 'bump'. many people assume that ' adoption' means 'baby'.
ok, so i don't have a problem with people making wrong assumptions. i have a problem with people being obstructive and rude. i guess it's only harkening towards things to come. i have had several friens tell me that even when they were out with their birth children who had slightly different shaped eyes or slightly different colour skin than they do, they've had complete strangers approach them, out of the blue and ask "excuse me, i don't mean to be rude, but is that baby yours"
i was stunned. my friends who have been asked this are more gracious women than i would have been. i guess i was naieve enough to think that we had got passed that kind of narrow minded bigotry decades ago. i guess not.
although some people don't actually act shocked when you don't fit into a tick box. they revive my belief in humanity. when taking out a family membership to a national wildlife organisation recently, i was unable to fill in the box that asked 'children's names'.
so i said 'i don't know yet. i'm adopting.' to which the young man behind the counter didn't get nervous, or flustered or embarassed. he didn't make funny faces at me, or ask me to justify my choice of a 'family membership'. he just said 'ok, no problem' and took my word for it.
that was nice.