Categories: uncategorized
Date: 22 August 2007 11:26:42
well, today was meant to be that all important meeting with Y's SW. Meant to be starting about now, as a matter of fact. It's been in many ways a difficult week, and difficult to describe. So many mixed feelings.
In one way, we always knew it might happen and feel very realistic and pragmatic about the whole thing, in another way the loss just plain hurts.
In one way we completely accept the situation and we have always known that this is just how adoption works in this country and have come to accept that it's about children and not parents and that that is right. in another, and very human way, it feels unfair that no one really cares about us and what we experience in the process.
In one way, we know that as far as Y is concerned, we know that she has a happy ending and a good family and for this we are very grateful and happy for her. In another way, I just keep thinking about how I will never meet or know her and how we had thought she would be ours. (to clear up any confusion, we never actually met her 'in person'. when i said before that we 'got to know' her i meant through discussions and meetings with Social Workers etc.)
In one way we have no doubts that adoption is still right for us and that we will someday have our family and it will be something that we will always be thankful for. (other adopters have reminded us that when we do have our 'little one', we we be thankful that this first link fell through) but in another way, now that the bottom has kind of temporarily dropped out we feel a bit lost as to our future and our next step.
It would be nice to meet with our SW sometime soon to discuss a way forward. but it's August. She's on holiday.
I had given up my job search in the hopes that motherhood would soon be my occupation. (From the encouragement we had been given, I knew that it would in no way help my CV if i left a job after only a few months for Adoption Leave) Now the hunt in back on, although with the knowledge that a new link could come through at any time. We're not expecting that to happen very soon anyway.
We're fine (that's an honest 'fine'), just a little bit displaced and disoriented perhaps. Thanks so much to everyone for the support you've shown us. It always means a lot.