Categories: uncategorized
Date: 14 February 2005 22:16:48
I had been thinking that I'd probably end up blogging today about how awful Valentine's Day is, blah blah, bemoaning my lot as a singleton and all the rest of it. Now whilst it's true that I have felt a bit on the sorry for myself side today, I've decided instead to share a story I heard on the radio yesterday, told by the wonderful poet John Hegley, who was reading some poems and stuff from his collection called "Love Cuts". Amongst other stuff, he was telling the story of St Valentine, who was martyred by the Romans. I'm really not sure this is true or if it's just myth, but anyway it got me thinking.
Apparently when St Valentine was in his cell in the days and weeks leading up to his execution, food would be passed to him by the jailer's daughter. She was in love with him, but never told him. Likewise, he loved her, but never said anything to her. After he was executed she returned to his cell to pick up the bowl from his last meal, and underneath it was a letter where he told her how he loved her.
So this got me musing. I've always been terrified to let people (read: guys) know how I feel about them - partly fear of rejection, partly fear they might feel the same way, partly fear of looking a complete fool having totally misread the signs. My last relationship was the first where we were actually good at communicating with each other, and I know that for all the reasons it ended, not knowing how we felt about each other wasn't one of them. deeleea has really bravely blogged about her recent note to Tez. I think we should be doing more of this communicating business, not less. I think it's all tied in with taking risks - in all areas of life, not just the lurve department - we're all so busy protecting ourselves from hurt that we risk missing out on so much.
Somewhat less profoundly, I decided this evening to go to the gym, figuring that everyone else would be out on dates so I'd be able to get on all the machines. It was packed, so there obviously weren't that many dates going on round here. Which leads me to conclude that I'm not actually a sad loser at all - they must be putting something in the local water or something.