Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 May 2005 21:59:43
This evening's counselling session was quite difficult. Not because of the counsellor - I'm feeling more and more safe there with her - but because, after the stuff I blogged about briefly last week about anger (and me not being very good at it!), plus another thing the counsellor had said which I'll keep to myself but which had really "pushed a button" with me, I feel like I've reached the point of no return. I've gone too far on this journey (even though really I've only just started) to just go back and pretend nothing's happened. I've opened Pandora's box, and now I have to face what's inside. Including acknowledging for the first time the personally emotional strain that my job is having on me - even though I always saw it as a step to other things, and even though I actually rather enjoy it, spending so much time with happy families (and not so happy families) is really starting to take a toll, and I need to process a lot just relating to that, never mind mad churches and all the other stuff!
Arti's comment the other day on my blog summed it up for me, and bears repeating here:
Regarding feeling muddle-headed. In my experience, that happens a lot in counselling. I think it's kind of analogous to when you decide to clear out a cupboard and you get everything all out all over the floor and then don't know where to start sorting it out and wonder why you started! I think you eventually do work out what you want to get rid of, what goes with what and what you want to keep and where you want to put the things you want to keep!
Looking at the state of my house, I think I can see why that particular analogy rang so many bells with me! (Note to self: do some housework!)