Bible verse angst
Categories: uncategorized
Date: 22 May 2005 21:48:07
Forgot to mention: shortly after arriving at Ashburnham, Mary was running round like a headless turkey putting a verse on everybody's pillow (this is something that Ashburnham like to do, rather than being our idea). A nice idea, and initially I assumed that everybody got the same verse. Mary disabused me of this notion, and so when I got moved to another room in the great Christ Church musical rooms game, we joked together that this was because I was "meant" to get the verse in the new room.
Anyway, the verse I got was this: 1 Peter 1:8 "You believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy". Which (sorry Mary!) made me alternately upset, cheesed off and amused. "Inexpressible and glorious joy" is, I think, pretty low down the list of accurate descriptions of my faith at the moment to be honest - "vague feeling that everything will probably be alright in the end" is probably the most positive I can get to at the moment, after the frustration and seeming unfairness of so much of it which characterises a lot of where I'm at faith-wise. Which got me musing and thinking - although I'm actually really happy to be where I'm at church-wise and am really glad I'm no longer where I was, I do think that one of the things I've left behind somewhere along the line is that sense of joy. Probably not helped by the fact that at the moment I kind of associate "joy" with "being bonkers". Where I do feel close to God is in the act of corporate worship, especially when reading liturgy, and in generally rambling away to myself and God whilst doing the washing up (or whatever). The "Dear Lord, XYZ, Amen" prayers in the quiet of my own home haven't happened for ages, but I do think I'd like to rediscover joy through personal devotion - any suggestions gratefully received.
Changing the subject completely, I'm really not sure this will work, but hopefully this is a link to my stunning (*cough*) artwork from Ashburnham. It's nothing to write home about, but I was pleased with the colour (deepened accidentally by having to spray the pastel fixative at much too close quarters to the picture as it was so windy) and out of my very few pathetic attempts that's the best water I've done so far. I'm seriously thinking about finding out about painting holidays where you get tuition as well as being left to your own devices (rather fancy Italy for that!) - one thing I'm very aware of is that I'm not good at drawing things in detail close up, I don't really have much of a clue about perspective, and I'm rubbish at drawing buildings. Which meant that the other bit of the place I wanted to draw (the courtyard between the main dining room and the Orangery, which had lots of beautiful flowers up against the walls) wasn't even attempted as I felt like I'd get so discouraged even attempting it. One of the downsides of being a perfectionist - if I can't do something well (or at least to a standard that I'm happy with) then I'd rather not do it at all. Hmm, must mention that to the counsellor (though I suspect she's probably guessed!).
Anyway, here it is (I hope):
