Categories: uncategorized
Date: 06 August 2005 15:37:19
During the time I was doing the MSc, I took a year out of it to do my health visitor training, and also got asked, completely unexpectedly, to become a trustee of the charity that I still believe God led me to. Both have been important steps on my journey - the whole public health thing in health visiting is totally compatible with a development approach, and being part of the behind-the-scenes management of a development charity has enabled me to put my Masters degree to some sort of practical use in a small way, and is something I hope to continue with (from a distance) once I've moved UpNorth. But throughout it all, that same nagging question that I've been asking since I returned from Romania in 1994 - "Is this it then?" - still kept on nagging.
When I started the Masters, I was very adamant that I wouldn't do anything more in the way of studying for a qualification, even though I did really enjoy the whole learning experience. I could see that a Masters degree was vital for my credibility if I wanted to work seriously in development, but didn't think a PhD was necessary to the same extent. However, as the Masters degree progressed it was clear to me that although this study was starting to scratch an itch I had, I was only skimming the surface of the issues and there was so much more to discover and know, and that this was only the start. Then about a year and a half ago, I saw an ad in the DfID (UK Government's International Development Dept) magazine for a PhD course, in London, looking at maternal and child health in developing countries and I thought fantastic - that's what I could do. It seemed ideal - combining my health visiting work (which I loved, and still do, despite moaning about it regularly!) with my knowledge of development. I started to look round for other development PhDs, to see what was out there, and although I was totally fired up with the thought of doing a health and development-related PhD, something wasn't quite clicking with any of the ones I found even though on paper it all seemed perfect and the obvious thing to do.
"Is this it then?" That was the key. The fact is, I just hadn't (haven't) got eastern Europe, specifically Romania and Moldova, out of my system. All of the development courses I found were geared very much towards areas such as sub-Saharan Africa, and although there is undoubtedly so much fascinating work that I could easily do there (and I very possibly will do in the future), it didn't grab me in the same way that eastern Europe had. It's like there was still unfinished business for me. So I started to look beyond university development departments to see if any unis specialised in central and eastern Europe. I knew a few years ago several had, particularly in the early-mid-90s when Romania was so "fashionable". I soon discovered only 3 remained in the UK - here in London (where the focus was mainly on the arts and culture), and 2 others which were more social-science based - one city in the Midlands, and UpNorth. I started at the beginning of last year to tentatively make enquiries. I went up to UpNorth's postgrad open day in March last year, met the Postgraduate Convenor who gave me an hour of his time prior to the more general open day, and who seemed really enthusiastic about my ideas and considered them a very good fit with the overall emphasis of the department. He also identified a couple of supervisors whom I had already (from their website profiles) identified as the most suitable in terms of their own research interests, and although I wasn't able to meet either of them that day I left feeling confident that I wasn't actually a dork, they were taking me seriously, and this was actually realistic to consider, and more than that, that I really really really wanted to do it. (And, on top of all that, UpNorth is a great city!)
The following month I started this blog, and so the rest of the story till now (meeting the supervisors, refining my proposal, the long torturous application process, as well as my research in Moldova last summer and then finishing the Masters) you've already read, and now here I am on the threshold of starting the next chapter. I'm not sure where exactly it's going to lead - I'd still love to do the kind of consultancy I saw in Moldova 5 years ago, but there are so many other possibilities I'm staying entirely open to them - but the overwhelming sense is that the answer to "Is this it then?" is "No way! You're not finished with this yet!"
So this is how I've ended up here - about to spend the next 4 years researching health care in a part of the world that is a huge part of who I am now and which is no way out of my system. No doubt it'll be tough (and no doubt I'll moan for England about it during the tough times!) but over all there's a vague sense of rightness about it all, and that whatever my personal questions and issues about God's plans for my life, he's in the chaos and the coming together of the plans somewhere! But for now, in spite of the apprehension and doubts and insecurity, I can be nothing but thankful for being where I am now. Bring it on* :D
* Note to God and my supervisors: just not too quickly please, thankseversomuch :D