Categories: church
Tags: Christianity, church
Date: 15 January 2006 14:19:56
I was telling someone earlier on in the week that one of the reasons I really like that I'm going to a church that's higher up the candle than I'm used to (in fact someone told me at the shipmeet yesterday that it used to (don't know if it still does) have the reputation of being the highest church in western Scotland, though I don't think it's as high as some I've visited in Edinburgh and down south) is that it speaks to me of the "out-thereness" of God, the creator of the universe (and evolution, these days! ;) ), awesome, all-powerful, almighty, all-the-rest-of-it God. I've never particularly imagined God as sitting on a cloud in the sky poking us with a big stick from a great distance, but that "out-thereness" is really resonating with me at the moment.
However, as well as resonating, I guess it's also kind of convenient - I have had a few things happen over the last few years where I really have started to think "hang on - what's going on here?" and I must admit that that has had an effect on how I relate to God, to the extent that for some time I've found it very difficult to accept that God is near, is interested in me, has anything to say about the things I find most important, and so going to a church where I relate to God as "out there" rather than "right here" suits me fine, as it means that I don't have to face up to the more difficult questions about God and about myself. I can think about God in the global sense as being concerned with the big world issues, and even (to be honest) about other peoples' individual issues, but the barriers go up as soon as there's a possibility that I have to face up to my own (lack of) intimacy issues, with God and others. While God is "out there" I can cope with his existence, and tolerate him I suppose, but if I'm honest I don't really want him all that near at the moment, till I've worked it all out, because it's all just a bit too scary.
Anyway, I went to church this morning, expecting God to be comfortingly distant as I'm used to, but the whole service seemed to be God saying to me "I'm not letting you get away with that!" The readings were the call of Samuel in I Sam 1 and the calling of Nathanael in John 1, and the canticle was Psalm 139 ("Oh God, you have searched me and you know me ... Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?"). The sermon was about how we recognise God's voice, and I just couldn't escape from the overwhelming sense of God's presence, his voice calling *me* - both "out there" and "right here". The fact that God has reinforced again that he is interested in, and not only that has things to say about, my life and the things that are important to me is something I can't escape from any longer. It has however forced me to confront something that I've been avoiding for so long - if God really is interested, if he really loves me, how come x happened or y didn't work out, how come my prayers seem to have been either shunned or taken so literally the pain is almost unbearable? I know all I can do is think and pray and try, with his help, to make sense of it all. I could have just done with a bit of advance notice that he was going to show up! (mind you, I might have just stayed in bed then!).
Honestly. God showing up in church. Whatever next?