Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 April 2006 19:15:54
unordered is getting baptized at Orthodox Easter (a week after our Easter which is in a few days' time) (thankfully as I am dreaming of chocolate now, hooray the wait is nearly over!) (that is what Lent's about, right?). The decision has been very quick, but also very right. I commented there that over here in snailsville I was going to be talking to my rector, a good couple of years and more after first getting involved in the Anglican church, about doing something about my own commitment to this particular corner of Christendom which I love and where I have found the church-shaped bit of my heart-home, despite its many faults. And all that time spent, that much longer journey, is just as right for me. I did, before I left London last autumn, come quite close to getting confirmed there, but having made a last-minute decision I was thwarted by the last-minuteness of it all, and then by lack of suitable flights from Scotland. So I resigned myself to waiting longer, as I wanted to feel established in a church here, and I wasn't sure how long that would take or how I would take to the Scottish Episcopal Church. As it happens I found St N's* pretty much straight away after moving into the Stately Pile and settled into it as the right place for me - there's never been any question of me shopping around to look for somewhere else.
Anyway, I had the conversation with the rector a couple of evenings ago, and very helpful it was too. He's a good guy, I like him very much, and (like my previous vicar) I feel that I can trust him with my doubts and questions and hangups and won't be judged for them. We will be taking things very slowly - the next confirmation at my church will be in June, which is when I will probably be abroad, but we both felt that that might be a bit soon, and so we are going on the assumption that I shall be either confirmed or affirmed (pretty much the same thing as far as I can tell except that confirmation can only be done by the bishop whereas affirmation can be done by the rector, we shall be looking at the liturgies for both so that I can make an informed decision about what is most suitable for me nearer the time) either in September, aiming for our church's patronal festival, or on the first Sunday of Advent. Which would be rather fab. Between now and then we are going to meet several times, to go through all sorts of things like church history (SEC/Anglican in slant, as I feel my knowledge is really patchy), liturgy, theology (particularly looking at some Anglican theologians), that kind of thing, where I fit in to the life of the church in making this particular commitment, and where is God in it all. I think it's going to be really helpful in finally "bedding me down" and sealing my commitment, after this protracted season of wandering and resting.
We also touched on vocation - this is something we mentioned a few times in the church's (rather good, I thought) Lent course this year, in a very wide definition, not so much of vocation to ordination, or to a particular activity or job, but of "being who God created us to be" and what that means in all its fullness. This has challenged me very much, and so we talked about the possibility of me having some spiritual direction, separate from the confirmation/affirmation instruction and probably with another priest, which I think would be really useful. Given my work commitments I don't expect too much to happen on that front before the autumn, but for now I am just appreciating the fact that someone in a position of responsibility and trust has an idea where I'm coming from and is taking me seriously. He also said some very perceptive things, about my personal life and personality, which has given me more food for thought and I'm glad I now have a space to think about them in a God-context, if that makes any sense.
As part of this process I have rediscovered my written journal, as a lot of the things we touched on are too personal for me to feel comfortable with broadcasting them on the internet. Hopefully it won't degenerate into screeds of streams of consciousness like it often does, but (like this blog) will be a useful place to work out ideas and thoughts and try to make sense of the world. I will occasionally post ramblings here too though, if I particularly want to preserve them for posterity.
* I think I need a bloggy pseudonym for St N's. Suggestions welcome - make me smile!