Categories: uncategorized
Date: 20 July 2004 19:15:29
I was thinking over the last day or so about my spiritual life (such as it is), mostly as a result of a few different threads on various boards on Ship of Fools. One is about the current turmoil in some of the so-called "New Churches" (one of which is the church I left a year or so back, so easy to see why that's on my mind I guess). Then there've been a couple of not-all-that-pleasant argument threads, and an inocuous thread about the stages that regular posters go through in their life on the boards. It got me thinking how when I first found Ship of Fools, a couple of years ago nearly, I was really unhappy at church (to the point where, when I woke up and realised it was Sunday morning, my heart would sink and I'd wish with all my heart it was any other day so I didn't have to go to church), and what I found at SoF was a community of people I related to, who challenged me, who interested me, who made me laugh and cry, who showed me aspects of God that I knew nothing of. More than anything, I found myself encountering God just about every day on the boards through his people there - through their insights, but also through their irreverent humour and silliness. Especially the Nativity Play (I was Sheep 1 - being a sheep was great as you could turn up or not at random and not have to worry about getting the theology right, not that correct theology seemed to bother anyone else too much!), where several times I found myself in tears at unexpectedly powerful and profound glimpses of God in the middle of all the silliness.
I still read the Ship boards most days, and more often than not post here and there, but that sense of belonging and of encountering God there isn't there for me so much these days. Not that I don't belong, or I don't encounter God on the Ship at all, because I do, but I think that now that I'm out of that awful church situation and part of a church where I do feel I meet with God weekly, where I really look forward to going, where I have a sense of awe during communion which still surprises me every week, I don't need the Ship to meet those needs in the same way. Reading the argument threads and the one about phases of a poster, I've found myself reflecting on how, although I still love this wonderful but ever-so-slightly bizarre community dearly, it is possible to step back and not need to get so heavily involved (either in arguments or lovey-doveyness). It may well be, as I plan to move city next year, that I need to rely more on the Ship again till I get established in a real-life church community - and for that, amongst many other reasons, I'm so grateful that it's there. In the meantime I have many good friends I've met through SoF from all over the place, in real life and online, there are still support and discussion and silly threads which are interesting and which I can contribute to every now and then, and most of all I have a vastly deeper appreciation of how awesome and unknowable-in-total and funny and scary and loving and inspiring and and and and God is, and for that I'll always be grateful.
The other thing is that I took a look at the member directory yesterday, and I've just overtaken Spike (who's been there forever) on number of posts. Which I thought was probably a bit sad - time to back off a bit I think!