Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 August 2004 22:41:50
Something that - it has to be said - I'm really not very good at.
But tonight, sitting at the computer surfing the net and looking at various stuff, I suddenly found myself reminded of something and out of the blue spontaneously praying something so simple but more utterly heartfelt than anything I've prayed for ages. And just knowing that it's not going to happen.
A few years back I had one of those lightbulb above the head moments where I suddenly realised that for years I'd been telling God what my "calling" was (guess what: I was wrong!). Right now I'm really sure that what I'm praying for tonight is my will, not God's (and don't get me started on God's will - I've absolutely *no* idea what that's all about, even though I still long with all my heart to do it and live it). But just now I really can't pray anything else, this prayer is emanating from the deepest place within me. I know that God will still receive this prayer and "guard what I have entrusted to him" - see 2 Timothy 1:12 which is one of my favourite verses - but I wish sometimes things were a bit less murky and I could understand a bit more what's happening.
When I was a younger Christian prayer seemed so simple. Not any more. Sigh.