Categories: uncategorized
Date: 07 September 2004 22:04:20
Something which has been on my mind for a while, but which I didn't feel quite up to writing about before, was the fact that I was an utter airhead at Greenbelt. I didn't go to a single seminar or visit any of the exhibitions, and this year to be honest that was exactly what I needed - I was tired, cranky, in need of recharging my batteries and this is pretty much my only holiday this year (having originally planned to spend 3 weeks in the States. Oh well). I did however wander round the bookshop and found a book about evangelism (which I didn't buy, in case you were worrying about me!), which had the sub-title "Evangelism as Dance in the Postmodern Matrix". And that really struck me. What the **** is it on about? I was so irritated, it just seemed so poncey (even though I'm sure it must be a very good book and I could probably learn lots from it). And wandering past some of the seminars on my way to the food/bar/shower/Tiny Tea Tent (delete as applicable) and overhearing snippets of them, it all struck me as being terribly earnest, in a way that kind of mildly irritated me.
I realise this is my problem rather than Greenbelt's - and I think that if I go next year I'd actually quite like to go to some serious seminars and get shaken out of my comfort zone a bit and engage with my brain - but I'm not really quite sure what to do about it in the meantime. I've written before about not wanting to throw out the baby with the bathwater as far as my faith goes, and a thread on the Ship today (about silliness in worship) has got me thinking again about how, although I'm much happier in my lovely calm non-wacky CofE church where I know exactly what's going to happen in the service each week, I feel like I have left something behind of the vibrancy and spontaneity of my early faith and am a bit po-faced now about it all. Even though I wouldn't go back to my previous church or "brand" of Christianity and know that I'm in the right place for me now, where my faith is (I think) deepening and becoming more meaningful, I am a bit sad that my mild brand of cynicism combined with some not very positive wacky church experiences has left me feeling a bit bereft now that I've walked away from all the wackiness. I think it's right and good that I've left where I was and am travelling through where I am now faith/church-wise, but it's sad that that has meant letting go of some positives as well as the less helpful stuff.
Maybe a bit more time and distance will help me to put it into more of a helpful context where I can pick up the good stuff again and move on. At the moment it's all still too close to home and too interlinked with the crap.