Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 October 2004 19:35:22
My current bedtime reading is Mike Yaconelli's "Messy Spirituality". Having really enjoyed Mike's speaking at Greenbelt, been so upset when I heard he'd been killed in a car crash, and been amazed at the stories of his wonderful ministry, I was really looking forward to the book. So I hate to admit I found the first couple of chapters a bit disappointing, and was in two minds to not read any further.
But I'm so glad I didn't. It's really got into its stride now, and I'm loving it. He starts each chapter with quotes from various sources which illuminate the point of the chapter, and goes on to relay the stories of ordinary, yet extraordinary, people who are demonstrating in reality the kind of spirituality that makes a difference. I love that they're just ordinary people, maybe only impacting a few people in a particular space and time, but there's something about the idea of "random acts of kindness" and tiny gestures that resonate so much more with me than big headline grabbing miracles. I'm not a huge miracle-worker. But I can do my little bit. And along with other people doing their little bit, that can make some kind of difference and bring God's kingdom that little bit nearer. All of a sudden a Christianity that can positively impact on peoples' lives feels that little bit more accessible and not unrealistic pie in the sky.
One of the quotations starting a chapter really leapt out at me. Someone I've never heard of wrote about vocation and calling: "Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear. Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am". That has such resonance for me - I've tried before and failed to write 5, 10 year plans for my life covering everything from work to spiritual life, but none of it has stuck. But there have been times when I've just known that I have to do something, or go somewhere, and there's no obvious rhyme or reason to it - it just seems to fit with who I am. I think the PhD plans are part of that - yes there's stuff I'd like to do work-wise and having the PhD will help. But I've no idea if those things are what I'll end up doing, I just know that doing a PhD would be a cool thing for those 4 years. Maybe after I'd never use it again, or find it of use in surprising and unexpected ways. Maybe (of course it's possible) I won't do the PhD at all and something else will crop up - I know at some point in the next little while I'll have to make some big decisions, but I'm at the point now where I think I'm starting to learn to listen to what my life, and who I am, is telling me. I know that what I'm doing and where I am at the moment is not only not what I want to do forever, it's not resonating with who I am any more. The idea of the PhD is resonating, so I guess that's what I'll explore next. I suppose it's what I used to say was 'going with my gut feelings', but the phrase about listening to my life telling me who I am is one I really like. Will have to chew that over a bit more.